New moon

Last night I asked the angels

to show my love to me

to bring me to his splendor

awakened in my dream

Perched on the edge of a thick white cloud

I spread my wings and while calling out

you heard my song and then you came

and we danced across the sky

til

Morning's glory gently woke me

from my soft, green grassy nest

but she dared not take from me,

you, my greatest awakening

So I walked the path while the whispered

pleas wafted to me from the trees

The words, unclear, I could not hear

yet I knew they spoke of you, my dear

 then

 I ran through the streets

of this big, scary city

searching for you

in every nook and cranny

Scanning the faces of

each one in the masses and

Holding my breath til

each soul by me, passed

now

 I wait tired in the light

on the corner in the night

Oh angels, hear my prayer

One more time- please take me there

Oh yeah

Every little yes
closer to freedom
deeper in love
farther from death
swelling in the sea of
cosmic entities;
swirling particles of joy
life's knowing little smile-
spinning faster
like a lit up toy top's
wonder, flickering little
lights

Yes

Wake up!

wake up you sleepy bear

wake up the morning’s here

the light shines through

that cracked old door

and sprays across the dusty floor

wake up Rumplestiltskin

wake up- this day is new

the coffee’s on

the eggs are done

the break-fast table waits for you

wake up, sleepy head

wake up before it's night

the sun is warm

outside we’ll run

wake up and feel the light

This one is 4 or 5 years old. I remember vividly how much it hurt to open doors for  someone who had been sleeping, only to later walk right out of one of them. I suppose I did what I was supposed to do. :)  I've been doing a little napping of my own, lately; I call it a cocoon.  Guess I'll just let the sun dry my wings, stretch a bit, then fly away.  I just hope I don't get eaten by a frog!

 

I want to thank you for lettin' me be mice elf again...

Lay on me your heavy
let me bathe in its newness
its ripeness and its fullness
let it lift me up
and make me something
more than I was thinking
that I would ever be

Let it make me...

Who's hungry?

Carnivorous

Prowling the hills
solitary we hunt
for sustenance we scour the earth

Finding the kill
that pertinent fill
but rooting for pain we’re just hungry again

Rip it to shreds
mouth dripping with blood
Coming up for air, we have nothing to fear

Can you survive the stream
Of the blood that flows
Can you rip it to shreds, will you break bread with me

Will you wear the warm pelt
As we worship the sun
And peacefully slumber once the feasting is done

Can the warmth of our flesh
thaw the raw of our souls
Can the depth of our truths quench us, the hungry carnivores

As they lay in the dirt
our hearts beating aloud as
The pokes and laughter rise from the finger-pointing crowds

But we march to the beat, unwary and satisfied

Can you swim up the stream
Of the blood that flows?
Can you rip it to shreds?
Will you break bread with me?

The great divide

We laud the rich colors of flowers
and rainbows and kittens

We enjoy big and small puppies
tall and short trees

Trees that give us fruit or
ones that shade us or help us breathe
are all necessary

Every fruit has nutritional value
and individual sweetness

Yet with people we have a hard time enjoying,
finding it easier to employ our differences.

Why?

Zebras

Every time we draw a line we deepen the crease between the kinds-ness of man
none of whom were born to anything other than love.

Not the Native Americans
the African Americans
Irish
Italian
German
Men
WOmen
children
White people
Gay people
poor
rich
homeless
invisible
space aliens
god
or animal

It's life.
The minute that we decide to lay down assignations of hatred and just see things for what they are, we will step out of it. We've all been victims, all paid our prices. Let's just get the fuck out of here.

The road show

You were standing kind of far from me
what was in your hands could not be seen

The joy in your dance when your heart took flight
called my own heart to join you as I was swept up by your might

The child in me would not lay down when I
saw the light seeping from your crown

I built you a road to come here, close to me
but I guess I'm the one whose movement is needed

So show me your hand so that I may dance too,
for I know now, that light and love are (y)our truth
 
"Spread the Light!"

The most incredible gift for me, was that of a friend who stared into my eyes while telling me what a gift I am to the world. Tears streamed down my face as I realized that my laments about not being worthy of love are simply not valid. Love has not passed me by-it has just slipped in, in a way that I never thought to look for.

So most humbly I thank all of the creatures as well as the earth and the heavens, who have shown and shared their light with me. This is why we shine our lights-so that we can find our way.  Thank you!

DJ 07 14 13 Silly dreamer

When I woke up this morning everything was different. My brown skin was glowing, I walked on air down the hallway and the morning light seemed as if it was shining from a new direction.

Everything is quiet except for the giggling of the wild parrots outside my door. The air is so still as I see the pine tree branches reaching toward me. If I reach out to grab one, will I get what I dreamed of?

Maybe I'm not really awake yet.
Maybe I am.

Uggghhhh...

Love is
not the stealing of your breath
it's not the con-damn-ation of your soul
Love is not the loss of what you live for
it's not the healing of your holes (it's the gunk that fills them)

It's just a simple gift of all
that my humble heart yearns to give
it's simple and it's willing
it's not cumbersome or costly
Love is not... a four letter word

I'm so sorry you never knew what I meant. I'm so sorry you never wanted to give me what I needed. Ahhhhh...it's only love. Moving on... Maybe someday I'll understand, although I'm not sure that I want to.

Hi Cuckoo

The sun does not rise

we do in

each incarnation

of love's light

in life's fine turnings

Form is senseless- a mere suggestion of terms dictated by one in an effort to convey to another what we mean. I choose often, not to be educated for knowledge can taint truth and lead us to believe in things such as the sun's rising or the moon's partiality. Some truths of others can open doors for us, but once we forget that we are the cosmos of all being, we are one with only darkness.

Why does Haiku have to be three lines? Go ahead...call me crazy...just don't try to make me believe it.

The end of the world

The birds' frolicking songs grow louder
Oh, it's going to be a beautiful day
Silently, I listen as your voice calms me
Guess it's time... I'm on my way

Thank you for the love you give me
Your strength- is always right here with me
This day won't be like any other
With me, your soul will surely hover

Be with me...
I know you'll be with me

Can you get this one for me?

Don't forget to turn on the sprinklers!

Does the desert know anything about thirsting?
Does the sky stop to think to be blue?
Does the flower ever not choose to open?
Does my heart know how to not want you?

Can't stop the rain from falling
Can't dim the setting sun
We can cut the flowers into nothing
But what good is it to relinquish love?


Why do some people decide not to love? Is the fear that bad? Are they holding on to hurt? Or was the love they had not worth the trouble? Sometimes my body and soul are wrenched in pain because of my craving for love.  I fall in love for micro minutes each time I entertain the thought of someone, as I try to be with their goodness. I can't stop crying anymore when I see that soulful love of couples-even if it's just on my television.

I can't wait for the flood where I will spin, dancing madly in its shower. Thank you.

Splash!

   Dream drops falling
between rays of splintered light
where there is no room for fear-
only love and warmth and kindness
   Darkness steps aside
as there is no room for madness
midst the vibrations of the
angels' wings, their ethereal touch that dances
   Time cannot be counted
when the rhythmic coursing beats
in to the the dance of timeless age
frenzied by the dreams we choose to need
   Lost in time and lost in this space
holding firm in this enticing place
heart beating quickly as if in a race
to save my soul, my heart, my face

from losing once again

while dream drops splash about me
gently tapping out the unsung song
in the secret key of dreamy notions,
the ones that wake and woo me

While I was putzing in the front of the house this morning a neighbor walked by and thoughtfully reminded me (as he spied my withering fake grass), "Don't forget to turn on your sprinklers." I giggled at his silliness and thought of a different reminder to the contrary, which I never hear anymore.

Hope on a rope

For what did the coyotes call last night
what bellowing echo lingered there
what yearning whispered in the proud wolf's howl
and what magic erupted from the eyes of the owl

What dream remained in the lingering light
as day slipped away, fading into the night
There is nothing left but the memory of dreams
not even the will to be as it seems,

filled with desire

or maybe, to just slip away

Hush, little baby...

Before time heals our wounds
time dulls the pain a little
Before the pain began to dwindle
we were crying in our sleep
and crying out in pain
Before we cried we bled
at least a little or maybe it
gushed from our veins
Before we screamed in agony
we were gutted by the mauling
of injustice and heartbreak
Yet before we were gutted
we fell quietly, wholly into
the point which broke us forever

But time will heal us
We no longer bleed
and the cries come only
so often
Just cry my weepy one
take all the time you need,
for time, it heals all wounds

I love you!

the red flip flops of wonder and greatness

All that greatness ever takes, is deciding that you're going to be. Whether in love, work, art, or nothingness...just choose it.

There's no place like home... (her tired dogs barked... :)  )  I crack myself up

Water works

If you stick a pin in a balloon the water does not trickle out. No, the whole thing bursts and the flood ensues.

Pent up emotions are a lot like an overfilled balloon which can burst from too much air, or explode when needled by painful truths.

Today's activities drained me. But I was ready for the letting. Pretty much begging to be beaten to death by it, so that I could start anew. What's the point in holding onto balloons anyway? All we do is worry about keeping them in our control, or watching them get away from us.

Pop the sucker and move on!

:)

Deja hoo?

Oh let me be the one

Who fills and moves your sails

The one who thrills your senses

A love that never pales

Oh let me be the coupling

That conducts your flowing current

The pulse that beats and quickens

The one your yearning dream meant

My heart knew yours

So long ago

It might have been a dream

But then I saw your

Face once more

Among the living realm

Why don't you want to be the one

The one who’d die to move me

The one who craves this radiant vibe

That soothes your soul, completely

Oh won’t you be the kiss of g~d

Your lips upon my lips

My sweetest song, like heaven's touch

Strummed from your fingertips

Your heart knew mine

Before- I know

In a different place and time

When I saw your face in

this familiar place

I knew you’d soon be mine

Owl be waiting...

Soft as a baby's bottom

Can we diminish the polarities
between right and wrong
and float freely between
you and me
she and he
earth and sky?
Be well in the center
between black and white
pain and laughter
heaven and earth
dark and light?

If there was no ugliness, we would all just be beautiful.

the Seven of Poetry

Speak your mind
and don't be afraid
of who's listening
or who isn't.

Open your heart
never fearing who
might come in or
who might leave.

Live in grace
in that place where
fear and pride cannot
taint your beauty


Sigh...this wasn't the actual message. It came to me in a dream which I will try to re-visit tonight. I wonder if we'll ever have DVRs -dream viewing repeaters implanted in us.

Tonight I will wish for an old dream as well as a new one. Who knows- maybe they are one and the same.

And if by a cultural problem, you mean that we live in two different worlds-I'll wave the white flag for the one where the theory and the impetus is to make things better for all. I want to live in a world where caring is the sword that fights for a unity, freedom and happiness for all. I'd rather have my taxes pay for happy children and parents and masses of families everywhere, than to stockpile gold bouillon for a select few who will never realize its value as a hoarder never enjoys its wealth.

This golden oldie (weirdest post ever)

Hard times are like that part of the day when
the sun is setting and you are blinded by the crazy light.
But- after it clears the hills and the golden glow spreads
its magic over the land, all you see is the beauty of
what has been and what is now- all aglow in that golden sight
of your aged wise eyes when
all that you have left to believe in
is the magic of what will be

Looking at myself in the glare of this screen, seeing my own happy reflection-the one with the pouty lips and the tight skin I know that I have finally discovered the fountain of youth. It's in every smile and every grasping of love. Thank you.

Look to the east
when the light is blinding you
find the beauty in the light and love
of what has always been with you

Beauty is not in the eyes of your beholder,
but rather in the eyes of what you choose to behold
Take my sight-go ahead
for you cannot take what I have seen
nor what my heart will hold forever

Thank you

That band of color intensely hugging the horizon
as the sun fades from the day
into the night
ever deepening
ever touching and bleeding
like a heart that cannot say goodbye to love

I am always grateful for the gift of your love. It is, after all, always love.

xoxo

For every action there is a reaction: Choose wisely.

I did. I decided to be with the love in it-the love in the past, the present, and in what I demanded of the future. How did I ever make any other choices, other than this one? Just glad I finally figured it out. Finally.

Thank you!!!

A bowlful of bruised apricots

Six mornings ago I noticed a bunny parade in the backyard. There are always bunnies, of course, but the heightened activity level surpassed an Easter morning's parade down NY's Fifth Avenue. I wandered over to the side of the house where the fruit trees are-exactly where all of the siwwy wabbits were coming from. I couldn't believe my eyes-in just a week's time the apricot tree had blossomed into a deliciously bountiful fullness. There were so many little gems all over the ground as well, half of which were already half-eaten.

When I touched the tree several more just fell off. They were prime for the plucking! So excited to see the fruits of the waiting, I ran inside to get a big bowl to fill with the sweet little treats. The thought of the gardener stealing them as he had our oranges was too great an injustice to chance this time while I had the ability to stop the crime.

It was the biggest bowl in the kitchen and I filled it in just a few minutes. I didn't want to leave any behind-not even on the ground. I felt that we had deserved them more than the bunnies, birds and raccoons and most certainly, the gardener (whose name I don't even know).

I took a picture of the bowl and proudly displayed it for everyone to see via texts, emails and facebook. I was so proud of my bounty.

As the week passed I gave some to friends and munched on some others as I was hungry. That big bowl wore down a bit, but was still pretty full yesterday when I bagged some more to send out to neighbors.

Today is a day that my heart is heavier than a big metal bowl full of sweet, home-grown apricots. There is so much at stake, as I stand to lose a lot. I could lose my house, my ability to help my children, my chance to go to church every week, and most definitely there won't be a whole lot of boots in my future if I lose tomorrow's battle.

But what is this thing I see as a loss? Is having less, in any way, a bad thing? Doesn't it just teach us to work harder and do better to get what we want? Is there really any justice in this world? Any worth hanging our hats or coats or hopes on? No matter what we do, there are no guarantees that justice will deliver. And even if it did, is my wanting or regretting or punishing of anything or anyone really going to make anything better?

I was stirring some onions on the stovetop tonight when I looked over and noticed that my half full bowl of apricots was turning darker. The majority of the bountiful lot were getting bruised and becoming inedible. I thought about the bunnies who might have enjoyed more of them had they fallen on the floor. Then I thought about the gardener and his children, or maybe his ailing, aged mother who might have enjoyed this particular treat.

There is no justice in this attempt to own and command. There is no sweetness in hoarding. There is no justice in looking out only for yourself.

Whatever happens tomorrow will be alright. There are more than enough apricots to go around. What's the point in letting the excess bruise? Where is the love in that?

L✽o✽v✽e✽l✽y

I felt your stare
you looked at me
I touched the place
where your hand had been
You sauntered by
and I sniffed the drift
you smelled like raindrops
dancing in the air
My heart pounded
a little bit louder then
as you turned I hoped that
you were looking for me
Did you catch my glance?
Did you feel my stare?
Did you feel me wishing
I was right there
                   ..next to you?

Can you feel me touch you
in my dreams?

Do you hear the song that
my yearning squeals?

Can you taste the delight of my
breath, calling you...

because you're so damn beautiful?

Good morning!

Your rising stirred me from my sleep

with one kiss upon my mouth- so deep and sweet

Just one drop I spied upon the blade

as the glow not yet touched, began the trade

From night to day, in splintered the light

iridescent shards radiated from within

Then a million blades, and a billion lights

enveloped my soul - what a glorious sight

Creeping slowly, then rising with form

when night turned to kiss the misty mouth of morn

It's just a mid-life cry, sis

What can harm us more than our own irrational fears? Not even death- for when we are gone, there can be no more fear or disappointment. No pain whatsoever.

What can be more exhilarating than to stand naked and alive in the light of emptiness? Where nothing tethers our will, and nothing impedes our motion? To be a vacuum that craves nothing but to be filled with substance? Substantial substance.

This little roller coaster of mine finds me exhilarated in my freedom in one moment, then plummeting into an abyss of worry in the next one. The key, I believe, is to be aware of my reaction and to remember that life is hard, but life is good.  Life can be scary, but I've survived far worse things than what I'm facing now. It is not life that drowns us. My regrets might be a bit more relevant now, but this too is my opportunity to mourn and move on.

It's my party. I'll cry if I want to.

May gray

In the morning light I wait

and breathe... a dream of you

each breath constructs my altered heart

which worships this nameless, untold truth

The coolness of the air lies still

as I bow beneath my quiet altar

engulfed, I exhale this foggy dream

the light tingles, swiftly stirring me 

pranayumminess

little swimming fishies

Ask me anything you want
take whatever you think you need
Know that I will surely give
for love has made a slave of me

Towering tree beyond my reach
ever stretching toward the sky
never does it fail to shelter
the restless wings of tireless flight

nor does the ocean cease to harbor
whales or turtles or angle faced fish
with never a question and never a doubt
for love's beating heart is anonymous

It's not that I crave your hungry, warm kisses
or the grasp of your strong, searching hand
These treats after all are not mine to savor
but I once knew your heart in the world of forever


So ask what you will and take what you need
for mine is the deepest pleasure
when my prayer is to give what you need, to become
love's devoted slave, forever

if not for me, then for the world... 

It always was and so, it always will be.

5&0

Nothing left to give and
nothing left to lose
nothing standing in my way
there's nothing tearing me away
from nothing old or new

This empty aching in my gut
is filling me with hope askewed
'cuz nothing's standing in my way
the time has come to fly away
and fill this empty belly up

 

Happiness is the best seasoning, for its flavor complements everything.

┣┓웃┏♨❤♨┑유┏┥

Break me!
With the strength of your heart
with your wide open wounds
with the rushing pulse of
your quick, hammered walk
Open your current and
fill up my whole
with the sand in between
the rocks and the stones

Be brave!
Hold me close in your arms
hold my heart with your
strong hands, let it
beat in your palms
Fondle my weakness-
let it be the hole where
you enter and fill me
and break open this seed

Oh, take me, shake me,
rock me, break me,
be the force that overtakes me
thrill me, till me,
hold me, fill me
be the light that will

...owl be waiting

Can I get your number, please?

It is in the long shadows within the shade
it waits for me til I call its name

It is grimmest gray as it hugs yearning earth
dowsing parched, withered greens, quenching their thirst

It is explosive light trapped in a singular cloud
unabashedly longing to be bursting out

It is the dark within a dreary, cold night
blindly reaching for more, as it craves warmth and light

It is rising sun's splendor kissing ocean's still plane
til its rushing and swelling spawns joy's crashing wave

It is spilling your soul into hands cupped with care
that hold it so dear, just let go - and you're there

It is in the long shadows within the shade
I dance madly, gladly, calling its name

It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less
cuz you get what you chase, so go follow your bliss

My mirror, my friend

Lay on me your heavy
let me bathe in its newness
taste its ripeness and its fullness
let it lift me up
and make me something
more than I was thinking
that I would ever be

Let it make me...

make me see it

Why's it so hard to believe in
something beyond yourself?

 I guess sometimes the lens that we're looking through just blurs our sight. But then sometimes it makes things clearer. Sometimes it's darker than the night. It's a lens. We can try to see through it or wallow in our blindness. Wow. Crap shoot. Die or be buried. Live or fly. Sometimes it's just the lens we're looking through, huh?

Sometimes it's the people we're looking with.

Where is love in the darkest night?
I thought the magnet of my giving
would bring me something
to believe in

How can love be wrong?
How can my heart keep on breaking
in the madness, in the making
of this thing I thought was love?

Why can't life be as simple as a dictionary?
Why can't the force of love be as
alive as the coming of the waves or the
calling of the grave...

to slay that which hides our face from love?

Show me. Please.

The best exotic marigolds do tell.

"We have a saying in India-Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not yet alright, then it is not yet the end."

Shine!

Rise!
Leap from the cold, hard ground
You
will teach us how to fly

Be!
Linger in this magic
You
are life's sweetest perfection

Shine!
Step into the light
You
are a gift to the world

Heavenly

This drop is not the ocean's movement
nor is every note the symphony's genius
Each tear is not shed for just this sadness
whose injustice is not this particular madness

If when you call my name you leave behind
that which called on you to re-define
and you will be with me, when your soul heeds
as you choose not to call LIFE by life's sad deeds

when you LIVE among the sprouts of JOY
in that space between the wrong and right
the home of memory's eternal yearning
in the making of love's sweetness churning

in that place where I will always find you...
Ohhhh...I think they call this heaven

Eye on the prize

My little joke of late, to make light of my temporary woes, is to keep my eye on the prize. What is the prize? Being done with worrying...letting go of the need to control a situation...being free of a person who imprisons you with their drama or malice (or both)...or if you're a true champion-being good with what is?

It's no secret to those close to my heart, that I've been having a hard time with some things. I haven't been fighting it because I'm smart enough to know that none of this will kill me. Life taught me that. But not fighting it doesn't mean that I'm not standing up to it. Its new meaning is just that I don't see it as unfair. I'm not its victim. I'm just the person playing this part right now. Maybe this is a part that I need to play. I need to see what needs to be done. I need to see what my opponent is seeing, feeling and needing as well.

But where is the prize for my friend who has lost her child? Is survival that prize? Is that all she gets from this? Some freak accident combined with an unfortunate physical deficiency has handed her the most excruciating death sentence, and her profession of truth is that we need to survive this. It's okay to kick and scream, she told me. "You have to," was her final punch.

So a grieving mom who has every right to be angry at the world, even at fucking LIFE, has made it so clear to me, that we have to win. Winning is not getting everything that we want or think we deserve-winning is BEING in spite of the shitstorms that try to drown us. WINNING is being happy in spite of the arrows and barbs that are slung at us by our enemies. Surviving it all is what defines our life. Winning is learning to be, or be happy, in spite of what we're looking at, or in my case, through.

This morning was one of those times that was painfully lonely. I felt it in my dreams before I even woke up, and awoke to the reality that my current pain is worse than I had wanted to credit it. It's even, possibly, worse case scenario of which I was warned. I can hear my little tirade chanting that "this does not define me" echoing across the sky and back again after hitting the hills across the valley. But maybe, just maybe-this DOES define me. Maybe my eyes are erupting as a manifestation of the truths that I've been hiding from. Maybe the prize is something I never thought to ask for. Maybe my eyes on this prize are more painful and real than I expected. Maybe this ugly truth that I need to see, is my prize.

Celebration of L*I*G*H*T

If life is unfair, then just how wretched is death? Per the happenings...maybe if we see Life as itself instead of its unfairness, we will see the light. Love is there-in its everything. In the smiles we've given to our children, in the breeze whistling through the pines, in the glory of the giving, and in the joy that we always find...in the space between what is and what is not. Sigh...

Not quite two years ago a beautiful person lost her love. Then she seemed to lose a lot more. Today she lost her child. I wrote this about her 22 months ago and she thanked me, expressing her appreciation for the gift. Just what are gifts? Nothing to be counted on or held to-only just something to warm our hearts, even if it's just for a while.

My heart is sick and broken tonight. I pray for my beautiful friend because I fear that her heart may never mend. There but for the grace of god, go so many of us. We all sit and imagine what it must be like, but we just can't know because we always have the escape hatch from the deepest muck when we can default to the truth that our heart does not actually know this reality. 


Isn't it like a setting sun
which you think your eyes will
no longer see
yet that bright light suddenly blinds
you, peeking through the filtered
leaves

Isn't love that way?
When you think you  have lost its
bright wonder...
but then it sneaks up
on you in a smile,
or maybe
something to remember

Kindness and caring
are the greatest gifts for the living
but as candles and photos fade
these gifts cannot be cremated
by the cold of ordinary,
thermic flames

I walked the world and found you
 in every setting sun
I lived pain and joy,
with and beside you,
and waited for you in each new rising
And now that you're gone you
mean more than ever

Isn't life funny
how its gifts so few are plenty
and that it matters not how many
because when the light slips away
your love still warms me...

ALWAYS and forever

*for beautiful Sue

Going for the One

Push hard

I did my best, which, was better than I had anticipated.

I am grateful and so very pleased.

A little more beautiful than I used to be, to boot.

It stings a little, for sure...but this will pass...the need to sting, that is.

Sometimes I don't even recognize myself as I become more like what I was born to.

Life happened and I twisted the plot a bit.

What was that need for drama? Was I running from nothing?

Laughter is a great medicine-when we don't take ourselves so seriously.

But here I am, a little taller and a bit wiser having re-alized what I came knowing.

Push hard, Little Laura. You've got this!

It's a smal world, after all...

Did you see it?
It was a glint of light
mingled with day before
turning to night

one small flash of wonder
as I danced through day's light
propelled by the magic
of this dream's lovely might

Did you hear it?
It was a note of splendor
which harmony joined
in the sweetest surrender

one small clash of thunder
that wakened the earth
as sweet spirits slept
awaiting their birth

Did you feel it?
moving just for a second,
the universe trembled
for it knew what my heart meant

one small jolt of motion
one heart can't stop beating
one soul for its wanting
one great dream for the taking

     -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

(And I hovered over you today
I hope you do not mind
but as my heart was flying by,
I felt your soul in kind

just one quick flash of lightning
which caught my eye...
your dream's bright light-
lit up the sky)

...it is a small world!

Fearless

If the road to freedom is a barren abyss paved with jagged rocks, the only alternative is to remain misery's captured.  Either choice will be difficult, but only one choice will lead us to where we really need to be.

"The only way out is through, the faster we're in, the better." AM

Just do it, Little Laura. Fly!

Home, sweet home

This is my home
this is my center
when I fly with a hummingbird
or shine with a star
where I soar with a mountaintop
and roll with a boulder
when the earth shakes in fear

This is my nest
where I color a rainbow
or quench the earth
when I cry with the gods
or laugh with the ocean
rolling endlessly to
kiss the moistened shores

This is my home
where my heart goes
to be with you
where I once roamed with dinosaurs
where I held your hand and heart
where my light will shine
with you, forever

Entombed

What is a fish that can not swim
gills filled with air, listless little fins

What becomes of the bird who cannot fly
unable to dodge the predator's eye

Where is the day when there is no sun
with no moon by night, enslaved to none

What is a heart that knows not love?
For what, if any, then-could be enough?

You move me

An elapsing wave
now just water creeping
returns to the ocean,
to become the rolling
and rushing novel
unabashedly crashing again

A breaker ever changing
contrived of the arcane
born anew, swirling
to awaken
this perpetual current of
change which washes away

What it ever thought to be

Biopsy: testing of a mass to rule out that which kills

Any notion bought into by the mass(es) is bound to be a death sentence for any who do not subscribe. My subscription expired long ago when I opted out of any containment of magic, of the infinite, of eternity...of god.

Massive error...defining a belief. But I suppose there is a safe haven for a sleeping heart, encapsulated in belief. Just not for me.



ask not of love what love should give,
for the light of love is limitless

trap not this splendor in a jar,
for then the splendor would be gone

think not how far the light can reach,
for this, only the open heart can see

ask not of god what god is,
for god cannot be told by lips

Many times, recently, I have heard that the gift of grace is our birthright. That our love from God is a given, and that we have just to claim it. This makes me think of my own children and how I love them. Even when they are difficult and I wished they lived elsewhere, all I have to do is remember their first smiles, or their greatest accomplishments, and I'm back where I should be.

Does God ever despair about us? Do our judgments and misdeeds ever dishearten the greatest heart? Or is this love beyond measure so immune to our shortcomings, because it only sees the good? Does it know that everything else is merely a  stepping stone into a baptism of acceptance which will wash over us, over and over again- as the waves of the ocean kiss the shore? Or maybe, just maybe, there is no judgment, no "God." How could anything that is supposed to be pure love, EVER judge us? Maybe God is just the force of love this world has to offer. Maybe it's just the love inside of us...inside of me. Maybe I Am.

You must have been the heart of God
when Love was what God thought of

In the radiance of your loving kindness
You ignited the sky's lights by the billions

And in morning's gift of sky so blue, I swear-
God loves me more, when my thoughts are of you

In you, so right, I am blessed and beloved
for you must have been what God thought of

When God first thought to Love

Sitting, I watch the limbs bend in the breeze, and cower in the storm
In my numbness I watch the light succumb to the night's darkness,
before the darkness yields to morning's light
So how would I not feel and know another's truth?

I remember the time that I watched the fire consume the forest and its fringes
Today I party with the new baby greens... how is one ever more beautiful
than the other?

copacetic

Getting along with any situation, especially a difficult one, and coming out with a gift.

Coping with life's variations, differences, roadblocks and shitstorms.

Finding your way through a madness, to a resolution-even if it's not to your own satisfaction.

Feeling the pain of an assailant, as they slay you in the darkened night.

There is an aesthetic to coping-beyond the egoic boundaries-in a place of understanding-only seen in the light.

Some day, we will all see/be/kneel there.

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon...

dreaming is free

there was a brilliant glow turning black into light,
as breathlessly I beckoned the call of my flight
the earth stopped its spin, ending the race
tell me -
              what did I see before I saw your face?

the black sky was so still as if frozen in time
awaiting the change to a thaw most divine
then came morning's light melting ice into blue
tell me-
            what did I drink before I drank you?

tickled and silly and drowning in space
the euphoric end of hearts wild, without pace
I surrender to you and beckon this death
tell me-
            did I ever breathe before you were my breath?

a hungry mingling of souls' limbs to touch
this heated fury of waters that rush
swimming in a notion known by so few
tell me-
            what was love before I loved you?

DJ 03.16.13

We sat on a cloud so thick that it held us
all of us
the dream team, the bevy of beautiful
the workers of light

Not a cloud that gives rain, nor a cloud
that can be seen but with
the help of a greater eye- either a telescope
or the power of one

We surmised without doubt that
the reason of truth comes
when we close our eyes and cannot see
til we see, in our "dreams" what is real

We were all there
We were with you
Was it yesterday or a million
years ago? Or a billion beyond?

We held each other in the light
of love, in our truth
for there was no other
dream to live

Falling up

There was no crisper line that could ever
be drawn between the depth of night and the
eternal dawn where we drew with our eye
tho we could not see beyond this shadowing
smearing of torn clouds bleeding
gray across the sky

On the edge of darkness who could ever know
if we are falling or flying, above or below
in a pool of black or a palette of light
mixed with smatters or remnants of
love and light that streak the
sky with madness

In that place where my dark met your darkness
where all colors melted into one
not the illusory box of crayons that have
colored the matter of substance beyond
the lines which blind us as we, the darkened embers
rage fervently into this night

Love n light 2 U!

Turn me oh!ver

Writing my wrongs in this black box of shame

Humming some hims to erase all the blame

Kneeling before you, I’s lowered in shame

As pen-nance releases my runaway game

Whisper my seek-ret through these cuts in the steal

Where you hear me, and hold me and tell me to feel

So I squirm and erupt as I rise to my heals  

Shedding shame’s ugly skin, for flesh's a-peel

Holding me farther away from your hearth

where my lips cannot bellow your prodigal spark

Where our fire dares not flare to then fall apart

Hold me where the flame is real, not a shot in the dark

Righting your wrongs in this black box- no shame

Kneeling before me, you bowed down and I came

I dream of melting your tower of shame, as

I burn slowly, warmly- please don't dampen this flame

Til you gush your secrets through the holes in this fence
The wall crumbles between us, as we move to confess
And we shed all the wrongs, and move on to the best
In the light, in this love, we will truly be blessed

Pen-nance: The act of writing your wrong

You mean, we actually are all one?

If G!d looked in a mirror, what would G!d see?

You, me, him, her, us, we, them, US, Europe, Africa, Earth, Solar System, Space, black holes...F^@&!...are those my pores?  :)

...Us...as beautiful as we are!

anonymous

Remember the times that we loved
when we ran,
our hair flying in the wind,
As we soared...with
our arms spread across the sky
embracing the currents
of ecstasy

A thousand times I have fallen
my heart racing,
and breaking and churning,
as I loved,
my eyes closed as I felt
the soft calling of
your laughter, your burning fire

For ever I will be with you
although I never
knew your name-just your face
for one inimitable speck of time
for you filled my heart
with wonder, filled it with hope
you brought me home again

Like birds we were free to fly

...but maybe you never even saw me

Love is eternal-even when it seems to live for just one moment

Breath of fresh air

It's hard to look at anything when you're standing in a thick fog. It hovers, quenches, engulfs and blinds you so that what you have left, is only to feel. Love is a lot like that.

Staring into the sun we can no longer see anything but light. Feeling my sight,  or what I think I see, fading away - I realize that love is a lot like that.

In last week's dream I was falling endlessly. I never hit the bottom of anything so I gave in to the sensation and just fell, enjoying the rush. Knowing that I could not be hurt I wondered if real love was like that.

Yesterday I watched from the safety behind the glass, how the wind whisked away the branches, the dust, the leaves and the flowers. It rearranged hair and clothes, as shrieks of uncertain delight rang from the lungs of the innocents. I found myself yearning for love to sweep me away-just like that.

Tilt

We've all been there at one time or another, I believe. Where the friend you thought you'd always have is gone. Leaving you so alone with no one to tell your secrets to, except yourself. They sound extra silly, echoing off of the loneliness of just you.

You never really echoed back but I always loved that you were there-something to absorb my sounds. I always thought you cared. But now that it all goes bouncing around aimlessly, I can't be sure of anything, other than that I did care. Care has no weight or measure. You will never see what I saw unless we both play the game.

I broke the sweetest heart tonight
'twas one that I thought was gone forever
I melted all over the place
...his face as I fizzled in my own tears
til his warm heart and
long strong arms reached out
to touch me, to hold me, to be with me
and his true soul became the grace that held me

no longer my babe,
now the man
of strength and steel
the man who cared more
for another than for his own self
the man who heard me cry and felt my pain
He chipped off the old block and became
something more beautiful...something so much better

So proud of you, son!

Come on, now touch me, baby...

Light does not fade
Steam does not cool
as quickly as it spreads
its heat across the planes
of eternity,
filling space with its warmth

too much space between the
fiery little missiles that spill
much like all of the space
between the light that reaches
across time, across space
reaching, eventually, you

imagine, for a minute,
if there was infinite
light
infinite love, infinite warmth
and understanding
how much brighter, warmer and more loving
life would be

as WE fill the spaces between, call it life... with our light and our love


...just say'n....

the wrong hope

The things that make, break and mold us are those that we cannot control, such as love, light, darkness, fear, courage, strength, and maybe hope. We can't change anything about anyone else and only those things in ourselves that we desire to. One by one the fascia fall away when we learn to let go and let good take control. That's the good in all, not just in me. There is no good in me if I see the absence of good in another. We are all just waiting to be love, and yes, just walking each other home.

What real joy is there in a rainbow, beyond perception's harvest?
Can't touch or feel it, can't make it into anything other than the feeling
it conjures in your heart and mind.
We can remember these sights, but why would we?

Because they offer an inlet-a calmer bay where the ocean's roar
cannot coax us from our silence?
Because beautiful dreams are more hopeful than
the tangible ugliness of dirty hands and broken hearts?

Before the sun burned through the clouds,
when I could not see the dark hills hiding in
the swells of the midnight storm...
I danced in the rain where none could see me

Hold my hands together, bathed in the dawning light
just above my heart where I can swoosh the dark away
and not see the demons I had twirled with
in this luminous, iridescent new awaking dream


Shine...the world awaits your beauty

crescendo

We were there when the light waned
leaving us in a dark quandary
motionless
paralyzed, incapable of remembering
what we came here for

There was the time
that sweet, fruitful time filled with laughter
when you showed me your heart, shared your soul
completely
but now you just leave me hanging in the dark

wondering, wandering...what is this "we?"
the sun sank so quickly tonight
racing stripes of pink heartbreak trickling
across the gray, unsettled sky
I watched the light fade

Night crept in as the sun slipped away
I saw you there, telling jokes about
the way
we were and how you never hoped we'd be
in your broken heart

but the sun faded anyway,
in spite of the hands you kept on playing
and its light did not fail to spray
across the heavens and in the dark
shone the moon, the mirror of our ways

Light does not fade
although sometimes I feel it slip away
through my fingers
but it always shines on the face of the man
the one that knows, always knows the love

...the man on the moon

24 / 7

Don't think for a minute, please
that my silence means anything other
than love and light that fills every
millisecond with love for you

No, not an hour passes where
I don't send you the light of love
in my heart
Not a week is weakened by forgetting

Your name is the call of my heart
even when I can't remember your name
I am with you always and no,
I will never forget

Although I wonder if you think I do
I just let go because you told me to
Love doesn't die, but sometimes it seems to hide
but it doesn't, it's just filling the space inside

of time

Just a spoonful of sugar... helps

Swallow it- that smooth little pill which battles
the disease that cloud the gut
To arm you with the strength of truth and light,
holding our sickness at bay
Weren't you the one who didn't let me
swallow the tantalizing poison?
Weren't you the one who let me taste the raw blood
of your beautiful soul?
With all of the thorns of truth and ugliness,
naked in its own?
...disarming the thief in me
who would have taken your will to be better?

I always thought that I was here to help you, but it was you who helped me. I'm sorry that it took me so long to see you. Thank you for walking me home, Honey.

Heavenly (Monkey see, monkey do)

Close your eyes and open your heart
Cover your ears and listen with your enlivened soul
Bind your feet and fly with me through the stars
Lay down your flesh and live forever in the depth
                         of love

Maybe you shouldn't throw away the polluted notion of god just yet. Maybe god is just the collective force of beauty that rises up from all of the love that we create-in our words, movements, songs, strokes, flips, curls, struts, bounces, and certainly our lovings.

So if we are just stardust brought to life by a random series of events, we are not unlike those magical packets of sea monkeys that I used to save up and order from the comic books, as a child. I would stare endlessly at the fishbowl for hours and days, waiting for the magic of life to occur. Sometimes, for some things, I'm afraid I still wait, lingering in the longing. OMG...

Hit me with your best shot...

Being with sadness isn't all that bad. It's a better place to be, than running from it. Unfortunately it has left me a bit scattered and for a girl who aims to always be sharper than the tack, a bit disoriented. A bit of a relief, as well, if I allow myself to be honest.

In the midst of this fog I took one wrong step. Just one-and down I went. I don't remember the fall and maybe it was because I didn't fight it-I just let go. Or maybe it was because I whacked my head so hard on the way down and falling through a black hole leaves no accounting of what happened. My whole body is reeling from the pain now and I ask-how could every limb have sustained the brunt of the fall? How is it that my whole self hurts?

Being in pain isn't all that bad. This will pass, the fuzziness will fade, the sprains will heal and the bruises will disappear. While I wait I will just be with it. Gotta stay still til my head gets better, so this is a great time to be silent and just listen. A lot of what I'm hearing doesn't make sense. But that's the people talking to me, asking if I'm okay or what day I think it is. I am okay. This is today, the day that I cannot run from my hurting heart. There's nothing wrong with being with pain. It's an honest place to be.

DJ 01 26 13 (Ridesonclouds)

Floating across the valley, the clouds were level with my eye as their fluffy, white tentacles grazed the bowl beneath them. They beckoned me to come ride them as if they were the poles of a carousel, the clouds the calliope.

Dreams are for living when we dare to take chances, when we dare to love that which fuels the feeling of being alive. It's all about love. It is our breath. Love is life, in every which way that we love.

This morning as I awoke as a different person, the earth called me by a new name as she proclaimed to the heavens, she ridesonclouds.

Come and play with me...

I'm waiting.

Two days ago while I dreamed of death
in just one fraction of a minute he drew his final breath
I didn't even know he was dying

He never told me

He did tell me many dark secrets
and I loved to watch him laugh
even in his darkest hours I could not cast
upon him hate

His honesty, even in his darkness
lightened my heart
For who, if ever or any,
can see through the darkness, the dark?

My heart hurts thinking of how he suffered at the end. And my heart hurts because he didn't tell me. How did I not matter? Why don't I ever matter? Did I just not hear the light through his silence?

Some truths come to us in waves-but in the end it is all about love. Everything always is. Did I give enough? Did he receive it? In the end, was he grateful for all that he had? It just doesn't matter any more, does it? For now he has it ALL. He is the light of love, scattered across the heavens. May he live in peace.

Yeah. That's real love.

Ask me anything you want
take whatever you think you need
Know that I will surely give
for love has made a slave of me
Towering tree beyond my reach
ever stretching toward the sky
never does it fail to shelter
the restless wings of tireless flight
nor does the ocean cease to harbor
whales or turtles or angle faced fish
with never a question and never a doubt
for love's beating heart is anonymous
It's not that I crave your hungry, warm kisses
or the grasp of your strong, searching hand
These treats after all are not mine to savor
but I once saw your heart in the world of forever
So ask what you will and take what you need
for mine is the deepest pleasure
when I pray that I give you what you need to become
love's devoted slave, forever
if not for me, then for the world... 

 

Death be not loud

in the night's sweet light
his dream awakened me
and gave a light to mine

in the morning's dawning
his loving presence arose
inside the truth of my own

his vision's one for all
opened my eye and
my heart's strong hands, to matter

through the fog of confusion
and the haze of misunderstanding
his love beckoned me, come on home

come home

Go ahead and die a little,
my spirit whispered...
be with him in your brokenness

where you will see clearly,
hear the truth of the silence
and live forever in peace 

Give it up! Abandon the notions of your rightness. Let the lies that confine you in their wicked sense of righteousness miraculously fall to the ground. Don't be what you were told to be, what you are lured to see-be what will save us all.

For all of the challenges that were put forth today, as they ring in the silent tombs of your hearts, please know that THIS is a good day to die.

So glad that the warmth of light bathes me as my shadows fall to the floor.

And so it is...

DJ 01 12 13

In the early morning my heart prays to be more beautiful...with a soul more vibrant and a heart more open than it ever was before.

Living in love in any moment induces a profound eternal magnitude where we live forever in the rush of infinite peace and light-all encapsulated in just one tiny second. Returning to human form we notice that a "life" time has passed us by. Or has it? Perhaps we were one with all of life, reaping all of the love of the multitudes. No, sister, not heavy. Light.

My love knows compassion and kindness.

My love seeks a love that makes the world better. Together we will do our part.

My love longs to hear my voice. No, our voice. And I I hear him.

My love melts the ghostly ice that shelters me from living in love. Again and again, never despairing for he sees the green hills beneath the sparkling frost. He runs barefoot through them and twirls the blades in his fingers til his heat of his love reaps eternal spring.

My love respects and cherishes my walk, my talk and my songs.

My love creates desire with me. My love sings to me. My love makes us more beautiful.

My love lights a flame that melts all of the scraps into a beautiful light. Together we will light the brightest days and the darkest nights.

My love knows me.
My love finds me.
My love is here now.
My love is here.

Oh, but it always was. 

Without god

You think I'm wrong?

Can a whale comprehend fire?

Does the bird know how it feels to swim?

How can a star ever know darkness?

How can you know the magic in my heart? The song of my soul? The pinnacles of my joy or the the heat of my desires?

Teach me-I'm listening

DJ 01 06 13

Found fortune...

Less air than there should be in the cold, dank basement which had been drowning in dark far too long. The mold and grunge which grew on every surface polluted the air and filled the space which should have been filled with light.

A sonic boom blew open the window held closed by a mere latch on the outside- but who could have known, in all of that dark that my jailor was not as mighty as my captivity.

Just one filtered, diluted ray of light found its way in, casting truth on the faces of the inhabitants of the cellar- nineteen blackened crows and one little girl who held what might have been a white one. Once the reality that the window was truly open set in, the birds all took flight, except for the light one who waited patiently in grace.

"Little one," said Grace, "climb onto my back and let us see what we've been missing." Soaring up past the gray and into the light where the skies were blue and the clouds were white, came a voice so cheerfully singing that grace would set you free.

In the waking hours I asked the meaning and sat in silence waiting for an answer. Guilt- so many of its flavors have been weighing me down. Guilt, which is not a divine gift, but stands in its way, convincing us that we are not worthy, that we are not beautiful, should be put to death. It keeps me from feeling and finding the love that I need and desire.

A couple of nights ago I got Chinese food and thought that it was odd that there were only two fortune cookies in the bag when we had ordered three entrees. We shared the cookies and laughed at the messages. This morning I dropped something onto the floor of my car and when I reached down to get it, I came up instead, with a recovered fortune cookie. I laughed, cracked it open and read the sweetest fortune ever. It said...

The star of happiness is shining on you.

And so it is!

My love is warm
My love is kind
My love is thoughtful
My love is strong
My love adores me
My love is smart and funny
My love holds me closely
Thank you

I'm melting...

With just five minutes before the new year was to begin, there I was-laughing my ass off alongside a truly wonderful person. The last thing that I wanted to happen yesterday was to let the year slip away with a boring, meaningless and lonely day. We had agreed to start the evening by attending a Burning Bowl ceremony, but otherwise we were going to be winging it.

While laughing so hard that I was gasping, it occurred to me that this moment was my choice. It was a combination of my decision, my invitation and my action which landed me right there. It was my friend's choice to share some vulnerable truths from her own life that landed us on a bluff with a calloused homeless man who helped me to realize that ignoring our pain and difficulty just turns our hearts to stone. What have I been surviving if I've shut myself out of my own house... my own heart?

As I have been opening myself up to extraordinary realities, the rush of emotions have broken the damn barriers which I hoped would shield my heart from breaking. But without the rushing waters, or yes, even the floods- we dehydrate, shrivel and die anyway. Every time I am touched by the sight of beauty or love, I cry. Every time someone does something nice for me, I get all misty. And every time I invite love to me, I melt.

The hard truth for me is that I am an excellent source of giving love. I guess, as a sponge who needed love's waters as a child; I never knew the getting. So as I have grown all that I knew was how to give it so that those whom I adored, would get it. But for someone to really get me, I'm going to have to take theirs, too. To do this I'm going to have to melt the rigid form of my belief, and just be with love.

Staring into the sky on that bluff last night I was taken to a celestial dream where as a beam of light I met another-a blue beam and we mingled and swayed across the sky. A whisper from the ocean below told me- let this love melt your heart.

In the beginning was the word, and the word is melt.

Thank you!

In the beginning was the word

Before it was a river
Laid a dry and barren plain
Beneath the mountains’ towering
Slides to flash the falling rain

Before there was a mountain
Breathed land above the silent plates
Soon to erupt within the molten core
Unaware of its magnificent fate

Before it was a spinning earth
A mass of unfathomable light
Forced to be this world we see
Our pleasure, now our right

Before it was my light, my love
My name was always this
Conceived by the rain and cosmic pain
Life bore me, its daughter, BLISS