Reaching out beyond the dream of what you thought was real, spinning on this ball of life, head now under heel. Ready to die, to live this life so raw, alive on ledge- dancing, hurling, freeing your soul to finally stretch the edge.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Harvest moon

In the late night that darkened a strange city filled with mysterious noises and fear of the unknown, I set foot quickly across a courtyard to jump into my unfriendly vehicle that would drive me through scary streets paved with terror and darkness.

Before I could even get to my car I was accosted by the noise of a tall man yelling at anyone who passed him, informing them of their prick status which was elevated by their greed- for not giving him their money. I was only nervous for a few seconds before I realized that he didn't seem to have an intention to move in my direction.

This morning I returned to the hospital quite early. As I approached the entrance, there he was. But in the light of the day he was not so scary. Maybe it was because I could see his face and his eyes, and the fact that he bore a deficit of one leg. The space was retained by a titanium pole with a sock at its base. I must have stared a little too long at the sock because his reply to my silent question was, "I like to keep my feet warm." Yes, this soul had a beautiful face and a light that I could not see in last night's darkness. This morning as I walked quickly toward the hospital he stared at me and said, "You.....are....a.....lovely .....woman." It made me smile so I chatted with him for a little while.

Today was a little better than yesterday because my sweet boy was able to rest and didn't spend the entire day in excruciating pain, vomiting up any traces of accidentally swallowed saliva. God, it is so hard to watch someone you love, suffer like that. But really, today was better. The pain has subsided enough thanks to Dilaudid, to allow him to sleep. There was a bit of a letdown reflex in that for me, but as I left the hospital a little early to avoid the dark, scary streets and trying to parallel park my strange oversized car in the dark, I melted. All of the worry, loneliness, fear had melted my strength and it all came pouring out of my eyes. I just let it. It had to come. I could feel the salt burning my skin as I turned the corner and looked up to see that big, beautiful, bright face hanging low against the Berkeley hills. That beautiful, lovely, luminous face sparkled off of my swollen tears and lit up the dark, dark, night.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I want you to show me

Plainly and simply
It is what we give and take
each time we cast eyes on another
or when we cry
waiting for a storm or
delighting in its thunder
where we turn to find an answer
hearing something different
what our soul summons when we inhale a flower
or run a finger along a blade of grass
Love is what we give to a situation
and what we take from it
We were all born of love
and in the end it will take us home

after all...

Did you see it?
It was a glint of light
mingled with day before
turning to night

one small flash of wonder
as I danced through day's light
propelled by the magic
of this dream's lovely might

Did you hear it?
It was a note of splendor
which harmony joined
in the sweetest surrender

one small clash of thunder
that wakened the earth
as sweet spirits slept
awaiting their birth

Did you feel it?
moving just for a second,
the universe trembled
for it knew what my heart meant

one small jolt of motion
one heart can't stop beating
one soul for its wanting
one great dream for the taking

     -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

(And I hovered over you today
I hope you do not mind
but as my heart was flying by,
I felt your soul in kind

just one quick flash of lightning
which caught my eye...
your dream's bright light-
lit up the sky) is a small world!
Why does a love that
waters trees
and colors leaves,
not plant a hopeful seed?

For love, you dread
is all but dead,
save for the dreams
in your sleepy head

Why does this love
that lights the stars
not brighten
your soul's dark night?

From light so bright
you hide your eyes
as if my love was
a perilous fight

Why cannot love which colors the sky
and renders each moment's frame, art-
not capture, then enliven your soul,
to melt then hold your hardened heart?

Wake up and smell the coffee...

Would you suddenly be less important if you woke up and found yourself born to a world of hunger with no shoes? No schools? No knowledge of a world of plenty? Would your heart be unworthy of the love and abundance in which you delight? If the soul of the child that you have nurtured and protected was cradled in the arms of another parent- would it be less beautiful?

How far can the light of love reach?

Friday, September 21, 2012


It is in the stormy, wind-tossed, wild
surface of the water
that I see my true reflection,
a hundred times over
each framed in its concaved capsule
of blurred dreams and mystical musings
each an angle or facet of what
my face once was, or has become
til the storm passes, leaving nothing more
for me than one placid, lucid plane
of silence,
of beauty

Monday, September 17, 2012

I would rather be g~d's breath

crawling across the earth

or the place of fruitful death

resigned to new day's birth

where fences are mended

and tatters un-torn

where wounds come unwrapped

as wisdom is born

where fear is unwelcome

and love is life's toy

where the feast is not crumbs

but a platter of joy

Be still and know that I am... 
Taking some time out to remember that sometimes I am the wounded. Sometimes happiness has no ground because life is hard. And hard is not the obvious loss, but rather the undeniable hunger. So I have woken this sleeping giant within me and now she is insatiable. She growls with a hunger I had not known before. She stomps furiously as the earth quakes and her tears fall into tidal waves that wash away cities of yesterday. 
Who is this girl? The one more beautiful than she'd ever been, with a fire burning brighter than she ever knew she had?  How can anyone so alive feel so dead inside? But this death is not to be feared. It is merely a respite from which she will rise again.

And her spirit will crawl 'cross the earth and rise up to the heavens. For this is good.

Saturday, September 15, 2012


One hundred times
I have mourned our love

One thousand flowers have
died in my hands

One fleeting moment
in every hour

I burn again for
you are not the one

Reach for the sky

Some days I just ride the wind.

with no thought
with no will

Some times those days seem to keep coming

endlessly passing
without reasons to feel

One day I will wake up and find myself

in some other place,
someone different

Something better than I used to be

Monday, September 10, 2012

DJ 09.10.12 There's no place like home

Were they muffled beats of
a slow, determined drum
echoing through the mist
of my dream?
But awake was I when
the haunting grabbed me
and whispered those words
so familiar
For they were my own truth
my own dance
my music played sweetly in
my own heart

Monday, September 3, 2012

the super moon

Last night I asked the angels
to show my love to me
to bring me to his splendor
awakened in my dream

Perched on the edge of a thick white cloud
I spread my wings and calling out
you heard my song and then you came
and we danced across the sky

Morning's glory gently woke me
from my soft, green grassy nest
but she dared not take from me,
you, my greatest awakening

Walking the path the whispered
pleas wafted to me from the trees
The words, unclear, I could not hear
yet I knew they spoke of you, my dear

So I ran through the streets
of this big, scary city
searching for you
in every nook and cranny

Scanning the faces of
each one in the masses
Holding my breath til
each soul by me, passed

And I wait tired in the light
on the corner in the night
Oh angels, hear my prayer
One more time- please take me there

a little less noise there...

Stepping out from under the cover of the awning
into the warmth of the waning summer's sun
I thought I'd hear the birds singing and
the happy children laughing
But there was nothing

not even silence

til I laid down my thoughts
and stared into the deep blue sky
that swept me away with a speed that tingled
as I mingled with the white clouds, whose awe nestled me