Reaching out beyond the dream of what you thought was real, spinning on this ball of life, head now under heel. Ready to die, to live this life so raw, alive on ledge- dancing, hurling, freeing your soul to finally stretch the edge.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

DJ 01 26 13 (Ridesonclouds)

Floating across the valley, the clouds were level with my eye as their fluffy, white tentacles grazed the bowl beneath them. They beckoned me to come ride them as if they were the poles of a carousel, the clouds the calliope.

Dreams are for living when we dare to take chances, when we dare to love that which fuels the feeling of being alive. It's all about love. It is our breath. Love is life, in every which way that we love.

This morning as I awoke as a different person, the earth called me by a new name as she proclaimed to the heavens, she ridesonclouds.

Come and play with me...

I'm waiting.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Two days ago while I dreamed of death
in just one fraction of a minute he drew his final breath
I didn't even know he was dying

He never told me

He did tell me many dark secrets
and I loved to watch him laugh
even in his darkest hours I could not cast
upon him hate

His honesty, even in his darkness
lightened my heart
For who, if ever or any,
can see through the darkness, the dark?

My heart hurts thinking of how he suffered at the end. And my heart hurts because he didn't tell me. How did I not matter? Why don't I ever matter? Did I just not hear the light through his silence?

Some truths come to us in waves-but in the end it is all about love. Everything always is. Did I give enough? Did he receive it? In the end, was he grateful for all that he had? It just doesn't matter any more, does it? For now he has it ALL. He is the light of love, scattered across the heavens. May he live in peace.

Yeah. That's real love.

Ask me anything you want
take whatever you think you need
Know that I will surely give
for love has made a slave of me

Towering tree beyond my reach
ever stretching toward the sky
never does it fail to shelter
the restless wings of tireless flight

nor does the ocean cease to harbor
whales or turtles or angle faced fish
with never a question and never a doubt
for love's beating heart is anonymous

It's not that I crave your hungry, warm kisses
or the grasp of your strong, searching hand
These treats after all are not mine to savor
but I once saw your heart in the world of forever

So ask what you will and take what you need
for mine is the deepest pleasure
when I pray that I give you what you need to become
love's devoted slave, forever

if not for me, then for the world... 


Monday, January 21, 2013

Death be not loud

in the night's sweet light
his dream awakened me
and gave a light to mine

in the morning's dawning
his loving presence arose
inside the truth of my own

his vision's one for all
opened my eye and
my heart's strong hands, to matter

through the fog of confusion
and the haze of misunderstanding
his love beckoned me, come on home

come home

Go ahead and die a little,
my spirit whispered...
be with him in your brokenness

where you will see clearly,
hear the truth of the silence
and live forever in peace 

Give it up! Abandon the notions of your rightness. Let the lies that confine you in their wicked sense of righteousness miraculously fall to the ground. Don't be what you were told to be, what you are lured to see-be what will save us all.

For all of the challenges that were put forth today, as they ring in the silent tombs of your hearts, please know that THIS is a good day to die.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

So glad that the warmth of light bathes me as my shadows fall to the floor.

And so it is...

DJ 01 12 13

In the early morning my heart prays to be more beautiful...with a soul more vibrant and a heart more open than it ever was before.

Living in love in any moment induces a profound eternal magnitude where we live forever in the rush of infinite peace and light-all encapsulated in just one tiny second. Returning to human form we notice that a "life" time has passed us by. Or has it? Perhaps we were one with all of life, reaping all of the love of the multitudes. No, sister, not heavy. Light.

My love knows compassion and kindness.

My love seeks a love that makes the world better. Together we will do our part.

My love longs to hear my voice. No, our voice. And I I hear him.

My love melts the ghostly ice that shelters me from living in love. Again and again, never despairing for he sees the green hills beneath the sparkling frost. He runs barefoot through them and twirls the blades in his fingers til his heat of his love reaps eternal spring.

My love respects and cherishes my walk, my talk and my songs.

My love creates desire with me. My love sings to me. My love makes us more beautiful.

My love lights a flame that melts all of the scraps into a beautiful light. Together we will light the brightest days and the darkest nights.

My love knows me.
My love finds me.
My love is here now.
My love is here.

Oh, but it always was. 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Without god

You think I'm wrong?

Can a whale comprehend fire?

Does the bird know how it feels to swim?

How can a star ever know darkness?

How can you know the magic in my heart? The song of my soul? The pinnacles of my joy or the the heat of my desires?

Teach me-I'm listening

Sunday, January 6, 2013

DJ 01 06 13

Found fortune...

Less air than there should be in the cold, dank basement which had been drowning in dark far too long. The mold and grunge which grew on every surface polluted the air and filled the space which should have been filled with light.

A sonic boom blew open the window held closed by a mere latch on the outside- but who could have known, in all of that dark that my jailor was not as mighty as my captivity.

Just one filtered, diluted ray of light found its way in, casting truth on the faces of the inhabitants of the cellar- nineteen blackened crows and one little girl who held what might have been a white one. Once the reality that the window was truly open set in, the birds all took flight, except for the light one who waited patiently in grace.

"Little one," said Grace, "climb onto my back and let us see what we've been missing." Soaring up past the gray and into the light where the skies were blue and the clouds were white, came a voice so cheerfully singing that grace would set you free.

In the waking hours I asked the meaning and sat in silence waiting for an answer. Guilt- so many of its flavors have been weighing me down. Guilt, which is not a divine gift, but stands in its way, convincing us that we are not worthy, that we are not beautiful, should be put to death. It keeps me from feeling and finding the love that I need and desire.

A couple of nights ago I got Chinese food and thought that it was odd that there were only two fortune cookies in the bag when we had ordered three entrees. We shared the cookies and laughed at the messages. This morning I dropped something onto the floor of my car and when I reached down to get it, I came up instead, with a recovered fortune cookie. I laughed, cracked it open and read the sweetest fortune ever. It said...

The star of happiness is shining on you.

And so it is!

My love is warm
My love is kind
My love is thoughtful
My love is strong
My love adores me
My love is smart and funny
My love holds me closely
Thank you

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I'm melting...

With just five minutes before the new year was to begin, there I was-laughing my ass off alongside a truly wonderful person. The last thing that I wanted to happen yesterday was to let the year slip away with a boring, meaningless and lonely day. We had agreed to start the evening by attending a Burning Bowl ceremony, but otherwise we were going to be winging it.

While laughing so hard that I was gasping, it occurred to me that this moment was my choice. It was a combination of my decision, my invitation and my action which landed me right there. It was my friend's choice to share some vulnerable truths from her own life that landed us on a bluff with a calloused homeless man who helped me to realize that ignoring our pain and difficulty just turns our hearts to stone. What have I been surviving if I've shut myself out of my own house... my own heart?

As I have been opening myself up to extraordinary realities, the rush of emotions have broken the damn barriers which I hoped would shield my heart from breaking. But without the rushing waters, or yes, even the floods- we dehydrate, shrivel and die anyway. Every time I am touched by the sight of beauty or love, I cry. Every time someone does something nice for me, I get all misty. And every time I invite love to me, I melt.

The hard truth for me is that I am an excellent source of giving love. I guess, as a sponge who needed love's waters as a child; I never knew the getting. So as I have grown all that I knew was how to give it so that those whom I adored, would get it. But for someone to really get me, I'm going to have to take theirs, too. To do this I'm going to have to melt the rigid form of my belief, and just be with love.

Staring into the sky on that bluff last night I was taken to a celestial dream where as a beam of light I met another-a blue beam and we mingled and swayed across the sky. A whisper from the ocean below told me- let this love melt your heart.

In the beginning was the word, and the word is melt.

Thank you!

In the beginning was the word

Before it was a river
Laid a dry and barren plain
Beneath the mountains’ towering
Slides to flash the falling rain

Before there was a mountain
Breathed land above the silent plates
Soon to erupt within the molten core
Unaware of its magnificent fate

Before it was a spinning earth
A mass of unfathomable light
Forced to be this world we see
Our pleasure, now our right

Before it was my light, my love
My name was always this
Conceived by the rain and cosmic pain
Life bore me, its daughter, BLISS