Reaching out beyond the dream of what you thought was real, spinning on this ball of life, head now under heel. Ready to die, to live this life so raw, alive on ledge- dancing, hurling, freeing your soul to finally stretch the edge.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

3...2...1...CONTACT!

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So I finally decided to do a “grown up” thing this week… I got contact lenses. Other than the experience that I’m about to share, it has been a wonderfully beneficial, self-indulgent treat.  I can’t believe that I waited this long. Wearing them makes so many things easier, such as picture-taking. I can see clearly wherever I look! 

Another bonus is that there is no on and off of the glasses, or even better- no sliding the glasses up over the top of my head every time I want to see across the room.  This in and of itself is not a bad thing and sometimes I rather like the way I look with my hair pushed back. There have been times, on bad hair days, when I employed this instant transformation to headband when the cute FedEx guy came to deliver my packages.  The real trick there is to remember when signing for your packages, to do it blind, and not re-apply the glasses to your face in front of the hot man because when you pull them from your head not only do you usually wind up with random chunks of hair sticking up all over, but the nose guard pieces usually reach out and grab some random hair strands which might cause you to squeal inappropriately, thus reducing your sexy factor. 
The snafu encountered (there’s supposed to be one in every chapter, isn’t there?) in this undertaking was when I went to remove the lenses on Sunday night. One of them was gone. I knew that I hadn’t taken it out and there was an unfamiliar and painful irritation in the corner of my eye. Of course I immediately started my search online, to see what to do. The good news consensus was that it couldn’t have gone too far and certainly wouldn’t have floated into my brain where it would wreak havoc on my neurological skills, or cause me to see out of my ear. Nor would it work its way to any inappropriate facial orifices, to be sneezed or coughed out later. No, it would have to have been safely nestled into a corner in one of my eyelids.

Being a holiday the ophthalmologist's office would not be open the following day so I carefully lubricated my eyes (both of them, JUST to be safe) before going to bed. I spent many hours of the next day hunting for the dang thing, squeezing my eyeball in the hope of popping it out. That didn’t work and my paranoia left me believing that it could possibly be sitting right on the front of my eyeball, unseen by me, since I just can’t see without my glasses. (You’re laughing at me, right?) Convinced of this I made far too many attempts to remove the allegedly stuck lens, and wound up scratching my eye with my famously hard finger nails. Half way through this procedure I was already looking like Satan’s spawn with my glowing red eye, but this was far too embarrassing to walk into the doctor’s office with, so I continued my effort.  Gawd forbid I should fail...

Even I can eventually get to the point where I give up. I’m not sure which weighed heavier, the pain or the frustration, but I had had about enough. I lubricated every hour and then hit the sack with my throbbing, scarlet visionary blunder. The doctor’s office would be open again the next day.

If I had a dime for every time I tried hard, a nickel for every “I think I can” thought, and a dollar for each ounce of perseverance I've mustered over the years, my poor and tired self could cash in on an unprecedented wealth.  Knowing when to surrender, when not to, when to stop and listen, when to speak your mind, or how to be content without losing your dreams...  it's all in the balance.  There were times in my life when clawing and digging were the prescriptive solutions to resolving my needs or chasing my dreams.  Sometimes, these days, I get more out of the chuckle that slips from my lips when I think about how silly I've been, and how little some things really matter.  My adoration of simplicity seems to be the mounting treasure of late.  Being content with authentic matters of the heart and mind, than in what I thought I should see, or what others might... it's a clear vision that sets us free.

There's nothing wrong with these simpler, quieter times.  Maybe it's better to just enjoy them and stop trying to make something out of nothing.  Sometimes, it just is.  Kinda' like when you go to the eye doctor and she sticks q-tips under your eyelid and pokes around (not entirely painlessly) for a few minutes only to find that there's nothing there at all.  You're just fine.  I kept expecting for something to be wrong, so I kept trying to remove something that wasn't even there. 

I can see clearly now, the pain is gone...

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