Something blue

It was to be a messy-hair, no make-up day once my "valentine" company bailed on me.

I drove around for a while, bought some deliciously sweet pineapple (which made an excellent dinner), stared at a tree (in my defense- it has the most beautiful patterning in spots where it had clearly lost some limbs), meditated (sweet escape), looked at pictures and thought a lot about where I really wished I was spending the day.

This morning I asked Her for some strict and structured guidance. I know this is a cop-out but this haze I've been nesting in is getting old. My longings are making me weary, and my creative channel is filled with static. None of my usual clutch-popping tricks have been working, other than to barely get me moving. I wish I could have seen her, beyond what my imagination conjured, with her arms crossed, tapping her foot, and shaking her head at me. Other peoples' imaginary friends are quite a lot of fun. Mine just likes to kick my ass. She was just not going to do my homework for me.

Last night someone whom I greatly admire told me that he's been crabby. It was pretty funny because his crabby is most people's better days from what I can tell. I thought about him a lot today (for many reasons), and it helped me to look at myself a little differently.

Being the Laura that I am, one of my greatest priorities in this life is to give and to enrich the happiness of those that I love or anyone who asks it of me. Unfortunately I sometimes drive myself nuts in the process as I worry just a little too much about other people. The truth is, really, that they can take care of themselves! So I had bought a couple of Valentine's gifts for some unsuspecting people. Last night I did not give it as the situation simply didn't lend itself to my expectation. They were chocolate covered fortune cookies. And then, for my sweet friend who would not be able to spend the day with me today, I purchased blue heart-shaped Murano glass earrings.

So as I sit here licking the chocolate off of my fingers I'm realizing that this stagnation which was getting old, is singing something new. There's nothing wrong with being a little bit less sometimes- even when it's me I'm letting slide. Nothing is going to crumble, and there is nothing to borrow to make up for it. She was right again- imagine that.

Something blew in

And then out once again

Never pausing to see

Where it stood for a moment

It rushed and drifted

As it whirled round my heart

Never knowing its place

In the memory of time spent

… breathe it in deeply