The root of all Ego

What is it about anniversaries of grief-inducing events; freeing us with every hard swallow, into the glorious healing hands of acceptance?

At first it might be minutes since, 
but then hours, days, weeks, 
months, seconds, milliseconds, years
cause pain eternal in every single moment

Wait. What were you wearing?
I don't think I said good bye.

Wait- I need to know now so that
I can remember you (as if I had
taken the time to be with you-
the way you always asked me to,)
and imagine you just as you were
when you walked through the gateway, so Glorious.

What if you go to heaven and I go to hell?
Would you write and tell me 
what it's like down there? 

What if we switched places,
this time knowing
always knowing what it is to love?

It doesn't matter anymore, I know.
But I know, now, how much you mattered
and that you wore your long red dress
which dripped your blood in a circle around my feet.

(I'm so sorry 
I never saw 
you bleeding)

I smeared my finger through the puddle
and wrote your name across the sky
For You are why I love...