The last of November

Many times over the past few years I have felt like that little bird in the book, “Are you my mother?” as I meandered through life wondering what was good, what wasn’t, what was true joy, what wasn’t, what love was, and what love wasn’t. My quest to find love left me injured, ill, and consequently, in quiet places where I had no choice other than to heal myself.

One morning in a meditative dream I heard a voice tell me that I am my greatest love. Slightly incensed because I was feeling gypped, I resigned myself to thinking that perhaps I was meant to roam through life alone. No more questioning any bulldozers, foreign species, or whims. So it became about me- and what I became was wonderful. When you run out of questions and challenges, you are free to just linger in any and every moment in which you choose to; feeling, seeing, smelling, tasting and touching the beauty that is there. Time just stands still with you.

This little gift has opened my heart and mind to not only my own beauty, but the beauty of everything and everyone around me. To talk with a gorgeous friend who is the only one who doesn’t realize how gorgeous she is, about the difficulties and heartbreak of parenting, and feel her pain and mine as one was a gift. To help someone who just last year might have irritated me, but who now offers me the opportunity to serve them while finding a deeper understanding of both them and me is yet another gift. To hear criticism from someone who loves me and not feel my pain, but rather the pain of what they are professing- is absolutely majestic.


Just a few weeks after the little voice told me that I was my greatest love, a very wise friend said something very similar to me and I laughed.  Life comes to us like a wave, one rolling in on top of the other, until the wave in its entirety, has reached you.
So I remain grateful for love, for love’s lessons, and for all of its gifts. I love that feeling of standing still and being with what is while life whirls around me. 

Today, on this final day of the thankfulness game I am thankful that I have a beautiful new friend who was worth waiting for, who stands still with me. I no longer have to ask, “Are you my lover?” I just get to linger in his wonder.

Thank Me!