The space between

Between the tapping of the drops of rain
blossomed an echo from the silence
As the swollen drops rained down from heaven
stirring currents of nothingness in between
the ether and the water, 'tween you and me-
mingling, clinging to light or maybe its darkness
Did you feel me?
Did you hear me?
In the clinking of tear drops shattering
Did the drift of this breath call your name?

Today I am thankful for

beauty
intelligence
warmth
yummy scented kitchens
compassion
kindness
lust
desire
love
energy
rain
sun
snow
cinnamon
coffee
pumpkin
soft, furry cats
soaring hawks
the green of grass
the yellow of straw
sincerity
authenticity
men
children
clouds
sky
rain
storm
home
warmth
road
adventure
Alanis Morissette
Havoc
simplicity
computers
internet
friends
family
herbs
oil
sweet potatoes
Christmas decorations
movies
books
eyesight
hearing
touch
heat
sex
my femininity
gray sweats
Uggs
color
soft skin
hair dye
yoga
meditation
beautiful children
mistakes
disasters

love
definitely love

Knock, knock...

Watching the sun melting into the dark
horizon
the very last sliver disappeared with
a shiver
setting a breeze loose which
rattled trees
touching moving and soothing me

show me your face...

The color of love

the scent of rain-soaked earthen blanket
a song of gray played by the soft tapping rain
a swelling, welling, burning sensation of
a pumped up heart filled with joy once again
the sleepy, delirious drift into dreamland
a touch so alive it awakened my soul
when I heard your laughter and tasted your breath
while we drank, two souls, from one plentiful cup
and we basked in one glorious, fruitful delight
warmed by one roaring fire through a cold, dark night

Pillar of saltiness

I don't "get" the notion of walking away from people who bring you down. No one but you can bring you down. Many times I've heard the rationalization that a person did not serve another's higher good, so they excised them from their hearts.

How is my higher good any different or more important than yours- aren't they one  and the same?

What if instead of asphyxiating a relationship, you drowned it with positivity, love and light? What if you replaced the disillusion with compassion? What if you sacrificed your expectations of what someone should be, for the reward of your mutual happiness?

And no, my "guides" didn't share this with me- my badass, luminous sense of wonder and knowing did.

Leave me be

the leaves are falling
and the brisk breeze stirs my feet
in the crinkling abundance to dance
as they circle around me

those who cling still to the tree
waving furiously, their love for life and me
singing to me of life and death
and of coming once again

to dance with that which beckons me

All who wander are not lost

(click to make it bigger!)

His questions and suppositions were the stairway

to his intimacy with the truths of life

which he lived out loud, on every page

which he laid down and for adoration, made

points of fancy to be gobbled by the masses

Yet he did not love another the way 

he seemed to love his words, the way

he always stood by watching, to see who

would take his bait

who could make him feel loved

I watched and followed his treks 

'cross the faces of the book of life

we love and wondered, why I needed

his face to show me

the fear which hid my own

I looked in his eyes and found my own

The hunter's moon (Prey tell...)

Sitting alone
beneath the moon
I feel my loneliness
like never before
but don't
mistake it for a defect
for it is a gift-
an arcane hunger for
wanting the food of life...
for wanting love

I want to be love

be the might of my convictions
and the fire of my dreams

make me love

cast aside the lazy haunts
of all the wrongs I've committed

be my love

touch the light in all the living
let me touch your beating heart

and live in love

Waxing on

Funny, how the moon tonight
in its diminished stature
still shines so brightly

Magic, really, how what is, is
and that what is cannot be changed
but what will be, can

And in the bright light of
what is, I know that I will be kissed
once again, by the fullness of what will be

am I drinking the wine, or is it drinking me?

Brian's song :)

When it is time
the dark will be eclipsed by the morning's light
When the time is right
Flower's petals will unfold and drink the sun
When the time has come
the ocean will  rise up and kiss the sleepy shore
Always coming, always going
For
When the day has at last arrived
the light will replace the dark of night
In time
the light will slip away and become the night
When the heavens open
your love will surely know the light

The divine right

Let not my heart be weighted

Nor my love be blind or shaded

If my light be sadly faded

When love comes once again fated,

Knocking at my door

May two fiery souls’ union

Come to me none too soon then

With a blessed and warm reunion

Of souls' unabashed communion,

Oh love, come call on me

Deja Boo

I was standing in K Mart just a little while ago, and saw some costumes hanging from the ceiling. One in particular was a quite glitzy purple princess gown with golden embellisments and a tall, conical hat, of course. It reminded me of being little, when fantasy and magic could sweep me away to a place that was so incredible that it could not possibly have been unreal. There have been times in my life when real life has felt just that good. 
 

For a minute I worried that it has been so long since I've felt that. Has life beaten me down so much that I just don't go there any more? Is the mask that I'm wearing hiding me from what I really want to be? Or am I simply hiding behind my fortress of fear, whose unquestionable presence never fails me, from life's greatest gifts? 
 

In my book study/class last week we talked about how God wants nothing but the best for us and that God doesn't understand sin. How could he, if he is the true light of love? Love is not an obligation. Not real love, anyway- so God can be nothing but light. So WHY do I shrink away from thinking that I should have life's greatest happiness? God is not holding against me, or assessing penance, for the wrongs which I fear I must recompense.
 

How many times do I have to be here? Kinda' scary, huh?

We are neither here nor there
we are not now or then
we will never be what we see
beyond the shimmering lights

the space between the air we breathe
and the absence of thoughts
of what we need
beyond the confines of reality

we are

L'anatta

Do you ever wake up in the morning,
wondering why the same players
take the stage in your recurring dream?
Why does life give us the laughter,
the tears and the wisdom
each time we close our eyes to dream?
Is each blink just another curtain
opening to the cast of players
who came to give us a reason?
Is each tear wiped away just
a cleansing of debris to see the new?
Is each breath filled with ecstasy,
infusing the trillions of bits of life
that we are?

That WE are...
for you are my dream
you are with me
you let me be better
you love me in our hurt
you relish our laughter
you honor our love

Where do those ladies go?
The ones in the boxes
sawed open by
men in magic capes
whose evil desire
to cut open
the living spirt
of a lovely lady
who just
suddenly...
disappeared
from her life?

Do you remember the days when "life" could have held me from this living?
"That's not a star, that's a satellite..." 
...but oh, she is not that, anymore...

dark marble clouded sunset

When love hangs in the air
like storm clouds melting across
a colorful sunset sky
whether it's the dark
that cuts through the light
or the light  that breaks through
the darkness
There is dark
there is light
and there is us

Fallen

She breathed in, and then out again

air

colder than the dark afternoon

as if

death had already seized her limp and careless

soul

Staring into the gray blue autumn

sky

watching the still clouds freezing

as if

the very last moment before the ice age came

to stall

Remnants of life, love and hope

in

the pictures etched by the sharpness of the bare, stark

twigs

that cling listlessly to the yellow threads of the power of

life

Lingering in the cold, all alone again til the warmth of her

breath

shattered the stillness of death's frozen

scene
when she dreamed of sleep's blanket, to awaken one

day

the new life, the hope, and the treasure of

being

Harvest moon

In the late night that darkened a strange city filled with mysterious noises and fear of the unknown, I set foot quickly across a courtyard to jump into my unfriendly vehicle that would drive me through scary streets paved with terror and darkness.

Before I could even get to my car I was accosted by the noise of a tall man yelling at anyone who passed him, informing them of their prick status which was elevated by their greed- for not giving him their money. I was only nervous for a few seconds before I realized that he didn't seem to have an intention to move in my direction.

This morning I returned to the hospital quite early. As I approached the entrance, there he was. But in the light of the day he was not so scary. Maybe it was because I could see his face and his eyes, and the fact that he bore a deficit of one leg. The space was retained by a titanium pole with a sock at its base. I must have stared a little too long at the sock because his reply to my silent question was, "I like to keep my feet warm." Yes, this soul had a beautiful face and a light that I could not see in last night's darkness. This morning as I walked quickly toward the hospital he stared at me and said, "You.....are....a.....lovely .....woman." It made me smile so I chatted with him for a little while.

Today was a little better than yesterday because my sweet boy was able to rest and didn't spend the entire day in excruciating pain, vomiting up any traces of accidentally swallowed saliva. God, it is so hard to watch someone you love, suffer like that. But really, today was better. The pain has subsided enough thanks to Dilaudid, to allow him to sleep. There was a bit of a letdown reflex in that for me, but as I left the hospital a little early to avoid the dark, scary streets and trying to parallel park my strange oversized car in the dark, I melted. All of the worry, loneliness, fear had melted my strength and it all came pouring out of my eyes. I just let it. It had to come. I could feel the salt burning my skin as I turned the corner and looked up to see that big, beautiful, bright face hanging low against the Berkeley hills. That beautiful, lovely, luminous face sparkled off of my swollen tears and lit up the dark, dark, night.

♥

I want you to show me

Plainly and simply
It is what we give and take
each time we cast eyes on another
or when we cry
waiting for a storm or
delighting in its thunder
where we turn to find an answer
hearing something different
what our soul summons when we inhale a flower
or run a finger along a blade of grass
Love is what we give to a situation
and what we take from it
We were all born of love
and in the end it will take us home