Harvest moon

In the late night that darkened a strange city filled with mysterious noises and fear of the unknown, I set foot quickly across a courtyard to jump into my unfriendly vehicle that would drive me through scary streets paved with terror and darkness.

Before I could even get to my car I was accosted by the noise of a tall man yelling at anyone who passed him, informing them of their prick status which was elevated by their greed- for not giving him their money. I was only nervous for a few seconds before I realized that he didn't seem to have an intention to move in my direction.

This morning I returned to the hospital quite early. As I approached the entrance, there he was. But in the light of the day he was not so scary. Maybe it was because I could see his face and his eyes, and the fact that he bore a deficit of one leg. The space was retained by a titanium pole with a sock at its base. I must have stared a little too long at the sock because his reply to my silent question was, "I like to keep my feet warm." Yes, this soul had a beautiful face and a light that I could not see in last night's darkness. This morning as I walked quickly toward the hospital he stared at me and said, "You.....are....a.....lovely .....woman." It made me smile so I chatted with him for a little while.

Today was a little better than yesterday because my sweet boy was able to rest and didn't spend the entire day in excruciating pain, vomiting up any traces of accidentally swallowed saliva. God, it is so hard to watch someone you love, suffer like that. But really, today was better. The pain has subsided enough thanks to Dilaudid, to allow him to sleep. There was a bit of a letdown reflex in that for me, but as I left the hospital a little early to avoid the dark, scary streets and trying to parallel park my strange oversized car in the dark, I melted. All of the worry, loneliness, fear had melted my strength and it all came pouring out of my eyes. I just let it. It had to come. I could feel the salt burning my skin as I turned the corner and looked up to see that big, beautiful, bright face hanging low against the Berkeley hills. That beautiful, lovely, luminous face sparkled off of my swollen tears and lit up the dark, dark, night.

♥