Thank you

That band of color intensely hugging the horizon
as the sun fades from the day
into the night
ever deepening
ever touching and bleeding
like a heart that cannot say goodbye to love

I am always grateful for the gift of your love. It is, after all, always love.

xoxo

For every action there is a reaction: Choose wisely.

I did. I decided to be with the love in it-the love in the past, the present, and in what I demanded of the future. How did I ever make any other choices, other than this one? Just glad I finally figured it out. Finally.

Thank you!!!

A bowlful of bruised apricots

Six mornings ago I noticed a bunny parade in the backyard. There are always bunnies, of course, but the heightened activity level surpassed an Easter morning's parade down NY's Fifth Avenue. I wandered over to the side of the house where the fruit trees are-exactly where all of the siwwy wabbits were coming from. I couldn't believe my eyes-in just a week's time the apricot tree had blossomed into a deliciously bountiful fullness. There were so many little gems all over the ground as well, half of which were already half-eaten.

When I touched the tree several more just fell off. They were prime for the plucking! So excited to see the fruits of the waiting, I ran inside to get a big bowl to fill with the sweet little treats. The thought of the gardener stealing them as he had our oranges was too great an injustice to chance this time while I had the ability to stop the crime.

It was the biggest bowl in the kitchen and I filled it in just a few minutes. I didn't want to leave any behind-not even on the ground. I felt that we had deserved them more than the bunnies, birds and raccoons and most certainly, the gardener (whose name I don't even know).

I took a picture of the bowl and proudly displayed it for everyone to see via texts, emails and facebook. I was so proud of my bounty.

As the week passed I gave some to friends and munched on some others as I was hungry. That big bowl wore down a bit, but was still pretty full yesterday when I bagged some more to send out to neighbors.

Today is a day that my heart is heavier than a big metal bowl full of sweet, home-grown apricots. There is so much at stake, as I stand to lose a lot. I could lose my house, my ability to help my children, my chance to go to church every week, and most definitely there won't be a whole lot of boots in my future if I lose tomorrow's battle.

But what is this thing I see as a loss? Is having less, in any way, a bad thing? Doesn't it just teach us to work harder and do better to get what we want? Is there really any justice in this world? Any worth hanging our hats or coats or hopes on? No matter what we do, there are no guarantees that justice will deliver. And even if it did, is my wanting or regretting or punishing of anything or anyone really going to make anything better?

I was stirring some onions on the stovetop tonight when I looked over and noticed that my half full bowl of apricots was turning darker. The majority of the bountiful lot were getting bruised and becoming inedible. I thought about the bunnies who might have enjoyed more of them had they fallen on the floor. Then I thought about the gardener and his children, or maybe his ailing, aged mother who might have enjoyed this particular treat.

There is no justice in this attempt to own and command. There is no sweetness in hoarding. There is no justice in looking out only for yourself.

Whatever happens tomorrow will be alright. There are more than enough apricots to go around. What's the point in letting the excess bruise? Where is the love in that?

L✽o✽v✽e✽l✽y

I felt your stare
you looked at me
I touched the place
where your hand had been
You sauntered by
and I sniffed the drift
you smelled like raindrops
dancing in the air
My heart pounded
a little bit louder then
as you turned I hoped that
you were looking for me
Did you catch my glance?
Did you feel my stare?
Did you feel me wishing
I was right there
                   ..next to you?

Can you feel me touch you
in my dreams?

Do you hear the song that
my yearning squeals?

Can you taste the delight of my
breath, calling you...

because you're so damn beautiful?

Good morning!

Your rising stirred me from my sleep

with one kiss upon my mouth- so deep and sweet

Just one drop I spied upon the blade

as the glow not yet touched, began the trade

From night to day, in splintered the light

iridescent shards radiated from within

Then a million blades, and a billion lights

enveloped my soul - what a glorious sight

Creeping slowly, then rising with form

when night turned to kiss the misty mouth of morn

It's just a mid-life cry, sis

What can harm us more than our own irrational fears? Not even death- for when we are gone, there can be no more fear or disappointment. No pain whatsoever.

What can be more exhilarating than to stand naked and alive in the light of emptiness? Where nothing tethers our will, and nothing impedes our motion? To be a vacuum that craves nothing but to be filled with substance? Substantial substance.

This little roller coaster of mine finds me exhilarated in my freedom in one moment, then plummeting into an abyss of worry in the next one. The key, I believe, is to be aware of my reaction and to remember that life is hard, but life is good.  Life can be scary, but I've survived far worse things than what I'm facing now. It is not life that drowns us. My regrets might be a bit more relevant now, but this too is my opportunity to mourn and move on.

It's my party. I'll cry if I want to.

May gray

In the morning light I wait

and breathe... a dream of you

each breath constructs my altered heart

which worships this nameless, untold truth

The coolness of the air lies still

as I bow beneath my quiet altar

engulfed, I exhale this foggy dream

the light tingles, swiftly stirring me 

pranayumminess

little swimming fishies

Ask me anything you want
take whatever you think you need
Know that I will surely give
for love has made a slave of me

Towering tree beyond my reach
ever stretching toward the sky
never does it fail to shelter
the restless wings of tireless flight

nor does the ocean cease to harbor
whales or turtles or angle faced fish
with never a question and never a doubt
for love's beating heart is anonymous

It's not that I crave your hungry, warm kisses
or the grasp of your strong, searching hand
These treats after all are not mine to savor
but I once knew your heart in the world of forever


So ask what you will and take what you need
for mine is the deepest pleasure
when my prayer is to give what you need, to become
love's devoted slave, forever

if not for me, then for the world... 

It always was and so, it always will be.

5&0

Nothing left to give and
nothing left to lose
nothing standing in my way
there's nothing tearing me away
from nothing old or new

This empty aching in my gut
is filling me with hope askewed
'cuz nothing's standing in my way
the time has come to fly away
and fill this empty belly up

 

Happiness is the best seasoning, for its flavor complements everything.

┣┓웃┏♨❤♨┑유┏┥

Break me!
With the strength of your heart
with your wide open wounds
with the rushing pulse of
your quick, hammered walk
Open your current and
fill up my whole
with the sand in between
the rocks and the stones

Be brave!
Hold me close in your arms
hold my heart with your
strong hands, let it
beat in your palms
Fondle my weakness-
let it be the hole where
you enter and fill me
and break open this seed

Oh, take me, shake me,
rock me, break me,
be the force that overtakes me
thrill me, till me,
hold me, fill me
be the light that will

...owl be waiting

Can I get your number, please?

It is in the long shadows within the shade
it waits for me til I call its name

It is grimmest gray as it hugs yearning earth
dowsing parched, withered greens, quenching their thirst

It is explosive light trapped in a singular cloud
unabashedly longing to be bursting out

It is the dark within a dreary, cold night
blindly reaching for more, as it craves warmth and light

It is rising sun's splendor kissing ocean's still plane
til its rushing and swelling spawns joy's crashing wave

It is spilling your soul into hands cupped with care
that hold it so dear, just let go - and you're there

It is in the long shadows within the shade
I dance madly, gladly, calling its name

It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less
cuz you get what you chase, so go follow your bliss

My mirror, my friend

Lay on me your heavy
let me bathe in its newness
taste its ripeness and its fullness
let it lift me up
and make me something
more than I was thinking
that I would ever be

Let it make me...