Six mornings ago I noticed a bunny parade in the backyard. There are always bunnies, of course, but the heightened activity level surpassed an Easter morning's parade down NY's Fifth Avenue. I wandered over to the side of the house where the fruit trees are-exactly where all of the siwwy wabbits were coming from. I couldn't believe my eyes-in just a week's time the apricot tree had blossomed into a deliciously bountiful fullness. There were so many little gems all over the ground as well, half of which were already half-eaten.
When I touched the tree several more just fell off. They were prime for the plucking! So excited to see the fruits of the waiting, I ran inside to get a big bowl to fill with the sweet little treats. The thought of the gardener stealing them as he had our oranges was too great an injustice to chance this time while I had the ability to stop the crime.
It was the biggest bowl in the kitchen and I filled it in just a few minutes. I didn't want to leave any behind-not even on the ground. I felt that we had deserved them more than the bunnies, birds and raccoons and most certainly, the gardener (whose name I don't even know).
I took a picture of the bowl and proudly displayed it for everyone to see via texts, emails and facebook. I was so proud of my bounty.
As the week passed I gave some to friends and munched on some others as I was hungry. That big bowl wore down a bit, but was still pretty full yesterday when I bagged some more to send out to neighbors.
Today is a day that my heart is heavier than a big metal bowl full of sweet, home-grown apricots. There is so much at stake, as I stand to lose a lot. I could lose my house, my ability to help my children, my chance to go to church every week, and most definitely there won't be a whole lot of boots in my future if I lose tomorrow's battle.
But what is this thing I see as a loss? Is having less, in any way, a bad thing? Doesn't it just teach us to work harder and do better to get what we want? Is there really any justice in this world? Any worth hanging our hats or coats or hopes on? No matter what we do, there are no guarantees that justice will deliver. And even if it did, is my wanting or regretting or punishing of anything or anyone really going to make anything better?
I was stirring some onions on the stovetop tonight when I looked over and noticed that my half full bowl of apricots was turning darker. The majority of the bountiful lot were getting bruised and becoming inedible. I thought about the bunnies who might have enjoyed more of them had they fallen on the floor. Then I thought about the gardener and his children, or maybe his ailing, aged mother who might have enjoyed this particular treat.
There is no justice in this attempt to own and command. There is no sweetness in hoarding. There is no justice in looking out only for yourself.
Whatever happens tomorrow will be alright. There are more than enough apricots to go around. What's the point in letting the excess bruise? Where is the love in that?
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