owl b waiting

Prancing down a darkened trail

lights have all gone out

The sun has settled in to rest as

creeping critters greet the night

Whispers from the hidden eyes

which never see the light

follow me to another world

where they can be so bright

I cannot see the moon tonight

It hides its face from me

But in its place I see the stars

The ones you picked for me

Inside the dark and frigid night

I watch with wonderment

As stars propelled by magic's spell

Race quickly across the heavens

The night guard watches, waiting

As the new moon hides its face

The owl cuts loose and rises

Giving dark's stars quite the chase

I cannot see the moon tonight

It hides its light from me

But in its place within the dark

Shines splendor in a new me

The cold but silent chill I feel

Brings shivers from within

But oh the stars that light the sky

Make quite the raucous din

I cannot feel the moon tonight

It hides its pull from me

But in its place the bright stars whisper

Their quiet secrets to me

Has the crow who climbs
frantically flapping,
frantically screeching only to
glide in a circle, downward
only to climb again,
still screeching,
only to fall again

and then land in the tree
calling out so wildly
to a seeming nothingness
has the crow gone mad?

Hope is the food that feeds me
when the cupboards all run bare
It warms my tummy with thoughts so yummy
and never skips a dare

When flirting with a thought so lovely
hope lingers longingly
It flails its passionate storm above me
as its dreams consume and woo me

May hope not be this dreamer's dream,
but a prelude to enliven
And ready I will always be
when hope's surprise will rise then


So then what is it to be hopeless?
When nothing feeds you and you're as empty as the still desert who shape is formed by its lifelessness, and not the winds that change it?
To be the dried up, yellowed hills in the heat of the sun's  depletion- gasping for nothing in your listless, withered state, no longer breathing or growing?
How do you find your way from here?
Is there a reason to want to?
Where is it?
How do you find reason and meaning and life when you're dead inside?
When you don't even care that your heartbeat is fading?
When no one even sees you slipping away?
When you can't even cry?

:)

Two days ago I sat helpless...motionless...in the deluge of the storm that I never saw coming. It reminded me of my days in Tucson when I lived beneath an impressive (and gorgeous) mountain range. When the summer monsoons would slide in... everything was bright and beautiful until they were right on top of you and you were IN the storm.

Today I sit in the comfort of morning's fog blanket, on the rain quenched earth. And I am fine.

When I walk with you, I walk in light. Oh yeah.

DJ 06.18.12

After a quiet, wet storm I sat in the soggy earth
breathing in a rainbow
climbing one rung at a time
a different flavor of color
a new height in colorful illusion
or maybe, dreams are what's real

At the top of the arc just within my reach
the fingered branch of a colossal pine
which took my hand and invited me in
Floating weightlessly on its tip I
saw my brother, the hawk fly by
I called to him, begging to speak
for just a little time

Circling back with barely two flaps
of his wings
he landed like a beacon on the top
of our mighty pine tree
So I climbed each rung, skyward
til I'd neared the stout tip
where I sat near my brother,
the hawk, in silence

After some time passed reverently
waiting in glee, I asked the sweet
spirit, had he something for me?
What was I to watch, what was I to hear?
were the questions resounding at the
base of my fears
But he neither moved, spoke or motioned
we just sat in the silence
as the sun's warmth and light
burned the doubt from within us

Things set to right. Karma restored on a grand scale. Penance paid. Debt canceled. Joy. Abundance. Fulfillment.
Thank you!

Coming into your own

couldn't be more sorry for the things I've done
my cup of tears runs over for the flood of hurt you've known
if giving all I have could ever set you free
then maybe, just maybe love would forgive the fool in me

they say everyone draws karmic penance before their day is done
i can't help but wonder though, if it's not merely self imposed
how could anyone ever be punished nearly enough
until they know the pain they caused or til their own heart bled the same

but love, they say, is each person's sweet birthright
even the wretched love and are given love
so why after all that I've done right for love
is love still holding off, not finding me worthy enough?


Lost in thought, staring into the beautiful swaying pines...two large orange dragonflies suddenly fly by. I smile.

Forgiveness...

That word could be a post all its own! It is a way of life. It is in honoring mistakes- even when you're the target, and embracing what you can become in spite of them. It is allowing yourself to also be at fault in a situation where maybe someone else is more so, and even when they don't choose to see it. Maybe they can't. It's a state of acceptance and love. Living in this state, we level the battlefield where we all have a better chance to live in love.

Why does water never need leveling? In absence of rigidity, its fluidity and ease simply let it be. Its easy strength carves valleys and falls as it never attempts to be a winner.

good vibrations

Touched by the words, music, passion, laughter, truth or vision of an artist, musician, teacher or love-
honor and give thanks. But don't hang on their every move. Instead, give thanks and honor what was opened up and lit up in you. Then go make your own words. Live your own passion. Know your own truth.

We can not "live" confined in the boundaries of another. But we can live beside them, intensifying the light.

Living
Our
Vibrational
Energy

it's all we ever really need

DJ 06.09.12

The voice of humanity is silent in its humility- not squelched by disappointment, fear, anger, or difference
Not knowing simple tolerance, for it knows unabashed caring- the essence of the being, not its form or color, mind or heart
Which, so moving, evokes a gentle breeze weaving through the needles of the pines; or the bellows of the mighty sea shouting

without a thought, always calling on LOVE!

The will to love

Is it the light slipping quickly
through the flitting leaves,
whose swiftness deems it
blindingly sharp?
Is it the cool of the spring's
evening air that freezes the warmth
of the hills' cold and stoney heart

Could the absence of love
be the valley in which
her soul drowns in
the early morning's gray fog
Is it the night, or its loneliness,
that chases her heart from
the hands of hope and love

Where is the will
the wanting and the thrill
for it seems gone from here
where is her soul now beating
Was it stolen by the man who lied
mangled by the one who cried
Has it withered in the famine's wealth of hunger?

The light slips through the flitting leaves
but this time it failed to blind her
for she is gone from this old place
and so the light must wander
In the hidden branches of my sweet shade tree, 
hides a sweet baby bird from his enemy
as the light quietly fades into night (where it will surely find her)

A good way to die

Be
in this moment
true to yourself
in whatever you are
whatever you feel
wherever you are

Full
of love
for yourself
and your feelings
and your ways of being,
and for your brother as well

Why would you take from goodness, its good deeds, with your doubt and your shame? Let good be unto itself, in whatever capacity it chooses to be. Good is good. It is only not good when you taint it with your own doubt and expectations for failure.

Ugggghhhh.

Love is a teacher, but one must know how to acquire it, for it is hard to acquire; it is dearly bought; it is won by slow, long labor. We must love not only occasionally, or for a moment, but for ever. Everyone, even the wicked, can love occasionally.

Love all the earth, every ray of God's light, every grain of sand or blade of grass, every living thing. If you love the earth enough, you will know the divine mystery.

  

Love people even in their sin, for that is the semblance of Divine Love and is the highest love on earth. Love all of God's creation, the whole and every grain of sand of it. Love every leaf, every ray of God's light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

-Fyodor Dostoevsky

To inherit the earth

Ask me anything you want
take whatever you think you need
Know that I will surely give
for love has made a slave of me

Towering tree beyond my reach
ever stretching toward the sky
never does it fail to shelter
the restless wings of tireless flight

nor does the ocean cease to harbor
whales or turtles or angle faced fish
with never a question and never a doubt
for love's beating heart is anonymous

It's not that I crave your hungry, warm kisses
or the grasp of your strong, searching hand
These treats after all are not mine to savor
but I once saw your heart in the world of forever

So ask what you will and take what you need
for mine is the deepest pleasure
when I pray that I give you what you need to become
love's devoted slave, forever

if not for me, then for the world... 

We never lose by loving, only by holding back

R E L A X

It's going to happen.
You can't stop the sun from shining, but you can let it warm you and light your days.
You can't stop the rain from pouring, but you can let it cool you, and enjoy the clean crisp air it leaves behind.
You can't stop the hurt from coming, but you can use the breaks to absorb the wisdom, and be tender in its wound.
It's happening. Be with it. Let it.
Always give thanks.

A L W A Y S

Mayday...

In the last light
in the last of this May
Daydreams I might
speak of, in vain
no more

In wishes of many
in dawns a plenty
in strikes that keep
smiting me
no more

May's light is fading
no more will it be
the hope of this age
the fruit of this dream
again

When the us settles

It blunts the sharpness
Unravels the knots
Dims the glare
Mixes the dusts

Life, lived in grace...not taken personally...left to the wise heart that loves to love. But only when love is unto itself, the force of love and light that is not lost in the dust of selfishness. Light that sees beyond itself, into the us, into the absence of wrongs. 


I feel like I'm walking on air tonight. Grateful that I no longer "have" what I never had in the first place. That perceptive reality thing is quite potent. Clearly the attachment to any reality is what harms us. Why can't I just be? Because I'm human. I'm a mother, and I know how to hurt and worry. At least I'm learning to be the love I wish to see in my world. That's enough for me, for now.

Straight Up

Last year, right about this time I asked g~d's help in finding understanding for slow people. This was a request to help me move beyond the limitations of my judgmental self- to be softer, more tolerant and accepting, and at ease with things I didn't understand. Within a week I wrecked my knee and have spent the last year unable to walk, and then in a rehabilitative state. I learned a lot.

Last week, on my birthday I thought a lot about what I wanted to be better at for the coming year. Since I have realized that Love is not about another person, but living in a state of loving grace- I asked g~d to help me to be in such a perpetual state. Within days my son became so ill in a capacity that scares me. I find myself slipping into anger and grief, but each time I check myself- I find myself asking what I will learn from this. What will my son learn? What good can come of this?

Life is funny. Life is hard. Life is good. Love is everywhere- in the spaces between the dark and light, the good and the bad, and that which we define; always ready to be summoned and to be celebrated. Always.

Holdin' on

Hold my heart tonight
keep it safe from all the sounds
of loneliness and fear
and of things I cannot dream

Hold me close tonight
be the soothing balm that
heals me be the easy slip that
frees me...
from me
                                       
Hold my heart tonight
reach your strong hand out toward mine
sit beside me in the dimming light
be my brightness, be my guide

Please, won't you hold my heart tonight
hold me close through all the darkness
while I need the light and kindness
beating through your heart to mine

...hold my heart

Are you fully with someone, in your purest presence, when you fill the room with your judgements and expectations?

just askin'...

Senseless

Sometimes when I lay in bed in the morning
thinking about what I need to do
wondering what the day will bring
 enjoying the warmth and coziness
of the bed's soft, clean blankets
I never think about how my life
can change before I come to this bed again.

Everything looks so different
through a different colored lens
Even pain is dulled by the numbness
caused by all of the chaos in my heart, my head
Everything feels different if
it can be touched or felt at all

A plane flies by kinda low in the sky
they must be going somewhere

Do you think they know my pain?

Pray for me- to live in grace in spite of all of this noisy disillusion
Pray for me- I had no idea that this would be the plan
Pray for me- to remember joy- so in the midst of all of this
senselessness, I can dream again

There isn't a cloud in the sky, nothing for the light to cling to, but itself. What I see is just a gradient glow of orange-yellow back-lighting the darkened hills. The tiniest crest of a moon is hanging just above the reaches of the glow. Venus is clearly visible now. Every night I wait for Venus.

It's this time after the sun has set and the air is cool as the light slips behind the hills. Each molecule of air is just a little bit lighter as it moves- not enough to call a breeze, but just enough to brush my skin with cool, refreshing bristles.

The last few days have been hard. Just last week I was telling anyone who would listen, about how great my life is. In the blink of an eye it can all change. I heard someone use the word "unfair" today. I wondered what they were basing that on.

The bats are flitting around in the canyon's ceiling, cutting through the diminishing colored glow of the backdrop which has phased into a strip of concentrated pinkish orange now.

Everything is always changing. I guess some of it just has to suck sometimes. I'm just going to keep hoping for the best, because hope is the thing that colors the nightfall and lives in our hearts in the darkness.

Pray for me ♥

Happy day, indeed!

Before it was a river Laid a dry and barren plain Beneath the mountains’ towering Slides to flash the falling rain Before there was a mountain Breathed land above the silent plates Soon to erupt within the molten core Unaware of its magnificent fate Before it was a spinning earth A mass of unfathomable light Forced to be this world we see Our pleasure, not our right Before it was my light, my love My name was always this Conceived by the rain and cosmic pain Life bore me, its daughter, BLISS
	The right card represents a critical element of the future. Nine of Cups (Happiness): Contentment and satisfaction in romance, friendship, or other relationships. Achieving your deepest desires and savoring beauty and sensual pleasures. A state of joy and abundance radiating fulfillment and bliss.

DJ 05.15.12

Having watched the rumpus from the safety of its perimeter, I was told: 

What you bring to the table will be your feast.

Oh shoot

I wish I could be the sweet young green

Thing turning its way up through

The dirt

Toward the warmth of sunshine

Or in the rain

Never knowing what is coming

Or what might pluck me

From my rooted needs

Always growing, never knowing

What I have yet to be

Then maybe someday 

I will be the faith of a forest

Filled with mighty trees

In a canopy of comfort

Always soaking up the sun

Always drinking up the rain

Splendid in the age

Of the beauty of the growing

a pathological tryer

With a glass full of delicious red wine to warm me, I sit in the blaring sunshine. Barely able to see my computer screen because of the glare, I keep thinking that maybe I just need to think these thoughts out a bit more before laying them down. But maybe I have already thought too much.

The wine is a sweet little bottle that I bought as a gift for a friend who I thought would appreciate it.  This friend was someone who was enthusiastic in his admiration of me, as he seemed instantly familiar with all of the things about me, for which I was most proud and grateful. He said I was different and he made me believe that he enjoyed me. Everything about him seemed magical- as if he made love to whatever he was playing, cooking, saying or wearing. I couldn't wait for him to love me like that. Hooked on his line, I sank hard and fast for all of the "right" things that he and his baited breath employed to lure me. Now that I have my head back on I realize that the only thing funnier than him promising me that he was "not an asshole," was that I believed him. Even on his way out he kept throwing kisses, to divert attention from the fact that he was slipping away. Capitalizing on a personal misfortune (if that's even currently true), he even made me feel for him in spite of my feeling of stupidity that slowly crept in.

We see, think and feel whatever we want to believe is true. The nagging in my gut told me that he was a little too forthcoming, a little too rehearsed and too good to be true. His stories kept changing, but he always had good reasons for that. I didn't want to know all of this because I am a pathological tryer. I believe in love. I believe that love is real and isn't the impossible task that eludes the majority of people. Friends frequently tell me that what I'm looking for isn't real. But it is! It's in me- so it is real. I've been silly many times in my life, holding onto things that weren't really there. I guess that's what happens when you want something so bad that it hurts... you do anything to get it.

Fortunately this time I didn't hold on. I feel for the guy because something has to be seriously flawed in a person's makeup, that causes them to be manipulative and dishonest. But it is infuriating to have someone play with your heart just to get what they want. Where does someone get the self-appointed right to play that game with another person? How can someone be so greedy that they don't care that they are stealing a piece of someone's soul? At this point I think that in spite of the embarrassment of impaling myself on his cross (out loud for the whole world to witness) I'm just grateful that I've given up my stupid ass tendency to hold on, hoping that my love would find its way to fruition with him. It's such a relief, really, because curing myself takes all of the energy that I can muster and really, if no one ever really asked for it, what right do I have to try to give it?

All of this time that I have spent on my own has taught me more about love than I ever imagined love could be. It is the divine love that we have for ourselves, that disallows the maladies of greed, assumption, need, disrespect, and even loneliness. The greater the realization that I AM LOVE, the more okay I am with waiting for someone's pure and generous gift of the same. And to be compassionate toward those who have contributed to my hurt feelings...just a manifestation of what love really is. It's me. I am love...and I do love this wine!

Another edge stretched!

A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others.  A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way).  Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others.  Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways (see, lovefraud, for more on sociopaths).

Ṽ⍥ℓυՊїη⍥υṡ

Be
in ecstasy
the dance of the cattails
carefree in the playful breeze

Be
in reverence
the stillness of the hills
anchored in the strength of timelessness

Be
in joy
the giggling laughter
that does not heed the fool's reproach

Be
in silence
the flood of beauty
that washes away the jagged edges

The heart of God

You must have been the heart of God
when Love was what God thought of

In the radiance of your loving kindness
You ignited the sky's lights by the billions

And in morning's gift of sky so blue, I swear-
God loves me more, when my thoughts are of you

In you, so right, I am blessed and beloved
for you must have been what God thought of

When God first thought to Love

The center of the universe

Can we diminish the polarities
between right and wrong
and float freely between
you and me
she and he
earth and sky?
Be well in the center
between black and white
pain and laughter
heaven and earth
dark and light?

Must ugly exist... why can't we just be beautiful?

can you get this one for me?

The birds' enthusiastic song grows louder
Looks like it's going to be another beautiful day
I draw a deep breath, hear your calming voice
Guess it's time I'm on my way

Thank you for the love you give me
Your strength- is always here with me
This day won't be like any other
With me, your soul will surely hover

Be with me...
I know you'll be with me

Mightily

a breeze blows and
how the willow bends,
the mighty oak rustles or
the dead leaf dances-

these are the songs
of the willow,
the mighty oak and
the dead leaf

the breeze touches us all

un beau rêve

Waking to that dream in my head

The one I’ve dreamed again and again

just a hazy mist that clouds my bed

And returns my icy blood to red

And again

I dream

Again I dream of you

Your show of magic captures my stare

Trapping me tight in your blinding black box

I strain to see this tricky dream, but if I

Watch your hands I won't hear what you mean

Because again I dream of you

The night’s long journey makes me toss and turn

Once the race is on and the pace is quickened

Til the nearing dawn sparks the fiercest burn

Don't make me rise to another empty waking…

alone

Sweet dream's lullaby wrestles this new day’s glow

As dawn's lusty lips hum a yearning below

Don't wake me yet, it's much too soon

To begin the wait for another moon

I need just one more dream of you

Becoming

It is in the long shadows within the shade
it waits for me til I call its name

It is grimmest gray as it hugs yearning earth
dowsing parched, withered greens, quenching their thirst

It is explosive light trapped in a singular cloud
unabashedly longing to be bursting out

It is the dark within a dreary, cold night
that reaches for more, as it craves warmth and light

It is rising moon's splendor kissing ocean's still plane
til its rushing and swelling spawns joy's crashing wave

It is spilling your soul into hands cupped with care
that hold it so dear, just let go - and you're there

It is in the long shadows within the shade
I dance madly... gladly... calling its name

 (Welcome to Lala land...)

I'll take a plate o' love, please...

Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. 

Those who wish to sing always find a song. 

At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.  -Plato

For I am loved well

in the hours of early morning

in the days of springtime passing

in the winters of our hunger

For even heaven loves me
in its flashes of light
that melt the night
and set my world on fire

I am love
in the dark and the light
I am love with every breath
each time I call our name

Postcard from the edge

Aside from being too trusting and gullible, what's wrong with believing in the goodness of another? It's been my experience in the majority of cases, that perhaps I have a different set of values than others do. Does that mean that I'm right or that they are wrong? I don't think so. I think it just means that 'we' are at different places and define things like honesty, sincerity, integrity or authenticity a little differently. Some define these measures as compared to their own wants and needs, and some define them in relation to all of us.

Every time I realize pain or disappointment I don't point a finger because how do I know whether it is 'he' or 'I' who have not ascended to a 'higher' understanding? And if I knew, would it matter? Would one be more important than the other? I don't think so.

I have but one job to do- to live my life in a state of grace and love (starting with me). Sometimes when I reach a peak in my journey I think I can see it, not too far away now.

You are beautiful. You always were and you always will be. In my heart, you are wonderful, wherever you are (but oh how I wish you were here).

DJ 04.25.12

With a jolt that woke me I felt the light bursting out of each and every cell in my body as if energy could orgasm (a billion times, all at once). Was I crossing the plane of consciousness? And then it happened again...

It's pretty cold out, but I don't think I've ever heard the crickets sing THIS particular song before. :)

Good night, sweet world!

Guide.dance

(In all that I speak
in all that I see
in all that I know
let there be G~d)  

...let there be good, light, wonder, love, bliss... the prayer changes as frequently as does my understanding of god. A new meaning in every breeze that touches me, every color that enlivens me and every soul that moves me. 

the magic crayon

The sunset's kinda gray tonight. I think, maybe, I missed it. I'm staring at the motionless hills which don't seem to be craning their necks, searching for a glimpse of color somewhere in the horizon. Makes me wonder if, maybe, they can't see.

Every time my heart breaks a little or maybe a lot, I wonder if it's because I don't give enough to love. Or maybe it's that I never take enough from love. I have also wondered if maybe, it isn't love.

But isn't love everywhere? Everywhere you shine your heart or see the good, or understand the pain, or give or take. There isn't much I know, but of this I'm sure. Love is a choice we make when the choice is worth making- when the fear of loss loses to the realization that you'll starve without it. So is that when love is real- when you simply choose to want it? Is that when love swoops in and colors your sunset, or bows down and kisses the earth?

So what is it that you want? What do I want? Is there a magic list of haves or have nots? Show me yours, and I'll show you mine. Maybe we could just make one together. But I just want to warn you- I start sentences with conjunctions and I like to color outside the lines.

BuZy mind chatter

Have you ever stepped back in wonder, asking yourself, "Was I the only one who saw or felt that?" I knew I wasn't alone, but somehow I was just talking to myself. Do you ever wonder if those people who talk to themselves are the ones with the problems? Or is it the ones who try to hold onto 'normal,' who aren't quite right?

Did you ever stop to wonder why someone could have such a hardened heart, and not want love? Probably shouldn't say it out loud though, because that's just not nice. But I can think it to myself for as long as I like, because we have already established that I am the nut who sees things. And we don't want anybody to be thinking badly of us.

Or we could just not care...but that was the problem in the first place.

I don't understand and I hope I never do.

Wake up!

What if
you were exactly what you are
free from worry, sorrow, disappointment, manipulation, guilt, abuse, being a victim, being a champion?
What if you were humble in your yearnings
yearning only things that honored the good in this world?
What if your truths were
uninhibited manifestations of your heart, divulged fully in your nakedness,
free from worry, sorrow, disappointment, manipulation, guilt, abuse, or control?
What if we were just love, for love's sake, because we love to love, and be loved?

Sigh...

DJ 04.24.12

In the early hours before the sun arose
I heard you calling me

over and over again, through the haze
of sleepy dreams
where the soft flowers slumbered in
their tight little blooms
and the night's tears gathered in
the grassy morning dew


til the light chased away the dream

I heard you calling me
                                        ...I hear you calling me

Goddess

On a drifting love that comes dancing to me
A beautiful vision that my eyes cannot see
Swimming in the breeze between you and me
A wish dispersing stalks of colored ecstasy

Love’s colors mix a gradient blend
With no beginning, and no discernible end
Radiance warming that which could not fill me
When the soft wisps of wishes come to color me

Flying upon the highest vibration of all
I plunge, I lunge, with no thoughts of a fall
And land in the soft spun web of embrace
Hungrily staring into your princely face

Flashes of purple, yellow, green, red and blue
Orbit about us, weaving a violet crown for you
This dream, this vision, this wish for me
Color me, baby, come set my world free

Slide down your rainbow, into my cellar door and we'll be jolly friends forever more...

I guess I need to work on that just a little more, huh?

I'll tumble for ya...

Today, standing staring into the water, I felt love's strong hand brush my face in the touch of the breeze. Would this ambrosial sensation have meant so much, ever, had life not readied me so? Closing my eyes I could hear the rocks tumbling in the sand at the mercy of the water. With no cares about from where they came or to where they were going, they simply danced as the rolling waves commanded. One particularly strong swell rushed in suddenly and the rocks' song exploded as my heart lit up. The wind wrapped itself around me.

Yours is the heart that plays the song my soul knows

In every touch of every breeze and

every rush of every stream 

Your gift of love in every flower's birth

is born in every bloom

With each new day and in every death

you shower me with your loving bliss

And I, the meek and curious soul

filled with wonder, shout

LIFE! 
      ........why do you love me so?

God says, "HI!"

Standing in this moment, unsure of what's around the bend
Sensing the wonder of the surprise that life is holding just ahead
The blossoms blooming sweetly and the colored flowers squeal
Bending down I touch the blessed earth and its beauty kisses me

This moment...so unsure...and yet in it I celebrate what might be, and more importantly- what is. It all tastes so wonderful!

THANK YOU!

P(e)ace maker

Hold my heart tonight
keep it safe from all the sounds
of loneliness and fear
and of things I cannot dream

Hold my heart tonight
be the soothing balm that
heals me be the easy slip that
frees me from me...

                          ...hold my heart

Hold my heart tonight
reach your strong hand out toward mine
sit beside me in the dimming light
be my brightness, be my guide

Please, won't you hold my heart tonight
hold me close through all the darkness

while I need the light and kindness
beating through your heart to mine

...hold my heart

DJ 04.17.12

Escritorio. In the midst of a crowd of joyous sound and bustling energy, the vibration rose to its fulcrum where it called out the word escritorio. It was not my ears, but rather my heart, that heard it. Then over and over, the word resounded in my dream. What I found most interesting was that it was in Spanish. It has been years since I've spoken or really listened to this language, so I had to look up the word. Perhaps it's time to put aside some of my fun, idle distractions and dedicate myself to my writing desk.

The voice of humanity. This is what the beautiful moth had whispered to me, yesterday.

the RAIN STICk

Right as reign
The unquestionable hold that goodness and integrity have, which command your dedication to the light of love (in everyone and everything), where you are your truest god.

Right as rein
The truth of life showing you that where you have been has lead you here, and to where you are going. No questions. To be always in the light.

Right as rain
The bliss of the quenching comfort that soothes and grows all that must not be questioned. It is the soft pitter patter of rain, which as you listen, fills your cup. Drink from the cup and you will live and you will grow.


The cloud bowed down to kiss the earth
the dried land began to tremble
then came the waters' quenching rains
which washed away a thought too simple

It called to me on a cold, rushing wind
that hardened, quickly, my nippled skin
When in every whisper and every shout
the magic of you came pouring in

The winds caressed the mountains' tips
while the valley heaved its sweet refrain
til the night's stiff breeze in reverent joy
billowed hard across the moist, grassy plain


A gush that dripped down me in trickles
as I turned my face toward the invisible sun
Quenched, drenched in this storm, as right as rain
where warmth so rich, had made us one


May I have another glass of wine?

Hush, puppy

Shhhh, little heart
quiet down now and let it steep
let the dream enliven you
while your head so sweetly sleeps

Stick that thumping tail
under sleep's dreamy bed
maybe all that wine's gone
to your silly, twisted head

Say whatever you think you can
in this night that seems so long
for if the touch was really there
sun will wake it with the dawn

hush, little puppy,
don't say another word      

to rise again

Every moment we are born anew,
into this moment ripe
with possibilities for splendor
Full with an eternity of wonder
that lives forever
through this plump, delicious moment

...and the next

There are no wrong answers. But the RIGHT ones? Well, they're just so much more fun...

A*muse*ing

My muse is not of
this world or the other
It is a we
in the space between
the here and the there
in the trailing
vibration of laughter
and sobbing tears
in the swift air
shifting
from a clapping hand
or an owl's wing flapping
in the taste of sweetness 
that speaks in a tongue
heard by all who can hear
the beating of one heart
in the soul of the poet of life
scribing the language of
love for all
for one

You are the voice that sings the song my soul knows

Mr. Toasty

Like lightning that stretches across the desert sky

You lit up the sky on the darkest night

My mouth watered and my heart was cryin

Not enough water though, to put out your fire...

When you set the hills ablaze with your smile

Drilling holes through my heart with those laughing eyes

Leaking droplets could not quench the thirsty drought

Which I could have avoided had I thought to doubt

Your call through the night that set the desert aflame

With this ravaging fire that my heart dares not tame

But it cries, and it tries to quell the desire

Not enough water though, to put out this fire

and so I burn

ashes to ashes 

us to us

love for one is

never enough

3/31 Just read this again, remembering the day I met him and the way he set my world on fire. It was years before the smoldering dissipated. I still remember. I remember all of the excitement and heat, the dizzying, magical spell I was cast in. Now it's a fond memory. But my heart remembers the intoxication. What I'll never know is why. How do we fall like that? I have fallen again, since, but now I know just to enjoy it. Love is a wonderful gift to enjoy, not to be taken lightly, and not to be owned. Like a rushing breeze it comes, and it goes. Lucky is when we find that front that sticks around for quite awhile. Maybe we get smart enough to follow it.

hope.ful

Hope is the food that feeds me
when the cupboards all run bare
It warms my tummy with thoughts so yummy
and never skips a dare

When flirting with a thought so lovely
hope lingers longingly
It flails its passionate storm above me
as its dreams consume and woo me

May hope not be this dreamer's dream,
but a prelude to enliven
And ready I will always be
when hope's surprise will rise then
-ME

Yesterday brought me two messages to 'change it up.'  I'm working that one, for sure. The second told me to try going right if I think I should go left, and see what happens, all the while paying attention to what is going on around me. The warning was to check for false appearances. I'm way too trusting and I feel stupid saying that because although some people consider this a flaw, shouldn't that be just how we should live? In a trusting and trustworthy state?

Sometimes we have to play dead to get through the rough times. But then one day when you're tired of hurting and not being you, you come back to life. The coast is clear. It's time. See you out there... I might be hanging by my tail from a tree, watching for you.

wake up you sleepy bear

wake up- the morning’s here

the light shines through

that cracked old door

and sprays across the dusty floor
*****

wake up Rumpelstiltskin

wake up- the day is new

the coffee’s on

the eggs are done

the table waits for you
*****

Hey Sleepyhead, WAKE UP!

wake up before it's night

the sun is warm

outside we’ll run

wake up and taste the light

From the world of last night's dreams...Opossum teaches the lesson of using and enhancing appearances and deceptions and illusions. He also aids in resting when needed (playing dead), and the art to act or behave in strategic manner as appearing to be fearful or fearless in spite of true feelings. Opossum gives courage to pretend for a while in order to cope with mental and spiritual constructs. He teaches wisdom and sensibility and knows when to fight if needed. Is it time to fight for things or to rest?

Lala land

What about a world where people don't look past the dazzling light in his brother, to his forgetfulness of wonder? Or a place where those who cry for peace are no longer crying out, for it is the way of the land? What if reaction to difference was not anger or fear, but curiosity? How about respect for the people of the lands far away, knowing that they are just as important as the ones under our own roof, in our own cities or countries or continents? What if each soul mattered? What if we all did our part to help and to heal, even if it costs a few more coins from our pockets? What if we all realized that there are no costs to caring and sharing- only love. What if when we hurt we didn't blame it on color or religion or spite. What if we took that hurt and used it to understand, a little more, our beautiful brother?

What if love was what we knew and practiced and breathed? Oh, but... I'm daydreaming again.

In the land of milk and hunger

(There we were
all the hes and shes
all the thems and usses
all the mes and wes)

Melting slowly into the crowd
where we could barely breathe
in the population's overflowing
stagnancy of lifeless debris

How do you hide your ears from
hearing the throngs of life's songs jumping
from the plumped up lips of vanity's
answer to your own heart's calling?

Can you hinder your insight from seeing
or your heart from once believing
in the touch that left you bleeding
when it cut you with its blunt assault?

Where is the land of plenty, the one
we spoke of in the night, where our
will ran deep and our hunger fed us
with her longing to be wonderful?

How do we drown in the emptiness
sinking into the depth of plenty
when we were made to walk on water
and turn water into wine?

Where is the hunger?
Where is the need?
When is the fire coming
that will ravage this debris?

    Where's the hunger? 

jelly jar

ask not of god what god is,
for god cannot be told by lips

ask not of love what love should give,
for the light of love is limitless

trap not this splendor in a jar,
for then the splendor would be gone

think not how far the light can reach,
for this, only the open heart can see

buried alive

Sometimes I wish I never knew
the sweetness of the red berries
that dripped from my lips
staining my winter white skin
If I had never tasted of its sweetness
nor ingested the power of its ripeness
burning in my belly, pulsing in my blood
then blue berries surely would have been enough

Mega watt bulb

Sometimes light is nothing more than hope that you give to someone in a moment that they really need  it. Maybe it's a smile, a helping hand, or a dose of care. You never know when it's going to really make a difference. Light doesn't dim when it's shared- it just makes more light.

Love doesn't cost a thing.

I. Own. U.

As someone who adores the stars that symbolize the great big Universal Energy from which we come, I dutifully stared into a relatively blank sky last night for quite some time. I got a little dizzy wondering what was furiously spinning out there in the great unknown. There was one little patch of the western sky, to which my eyes were drawn, where two of the brightest bulbs I have ever noticed- Venus and Jupiter, pierced the otherwise darkened canvas. Earlier in the day I read an excerpt of a verbose explanation that told me that when these two planets convene (should happen Thursday) it will produce what will appear to be the brightest star- yes, the one that was known to be the star of Bethlehem. I chuckled, because, hey- what do you know- not a star at all.

Many people follow what they are told to. Mostly because they never thought to think differently. Yesterday I was thinking about how much easier it is to live in ignorance where you don't have to do the inner work, and find your own truths. I suppose that at times of great unrest when our religions of majority were created, it was helpful to employ practical ignorance. But now we live in a world where knowledge grants us permission to believe in the very thing Jesus told us about our own power- that we have it. However inconvenient to most churches this is, it is the truth when we strip away the confines of religious faith and live in the light of our own hearts- the most brilliant light of all.

Imprisoning ourselves doesn't begin or end with religion. Its evidence is everywhere that we allow ourselves to be relegated to a belief about ourselves- whether it is that we are sinful, fat, short, sick, right, wrong or powerless. What we are when we strip away all of the things that we think define us, is love and light. These are our birthrights. All that life tosses in our paths are just navigable obstacles in a course designed to strengthen our tools which enforces our being the light of love.

I cannot hear your words no more

ear's pressed against the earthen floor

Your thoughts no longer wear my face

my soul has won that measly race

my skin now pricked, releases the throng
of the toxic rights and righteous wrongs
snorting the light and huffing on love
of these my heart now, can't get enough

You are the Love

So swept away by a video I watched today. This was just one very big moment in it...

"There is nothing greater than love with no object. For then you yourself have become love, itself." -Rumi

Thank you!


Here's the video:

Pav-love

Thank you for the comforting moments that I find when my stomach is heaving in the silence of this grief
Thank you for the understanding which you help me find when I am lost in myself
Thank you for the peace that impales and keeps me upright even in the midst of a storm
Thank you for the tears that let the pain of emptiness and loss roll away from me
Thank you for hearing my prayers and even when the answer is not yet, you stay close by and hold me
Thank you for how far I've come and
Thank you for all that I have yet to be
Thank you for the strength and courage to keep hoping and dreaming
Thank you for the gifts that I never thought to ask for
Thank you for every time that I am touched and brought back to life, I am reminded of the bliss I seek
Thank you for my hunger
Thank you for delicious affection
Thank you for laughter and silliness
Thank you for helping me respect differences
Thank you for helping me recognize similarities
Thank you for the warmth of sun and the cold of rain
Thank you for remorse
Thank you for second chances and first ones too, and any bonuses along the way
Thank you for broken hearts and mended fences
Thank you for loneliness

Sadness sucks. Loneliness is frequently sad. I am looking forward to the day when I will be loved- when I can love freely. Driving home from church today I suddenly realized that the ache in my belly was due to a lack of food. While I was deciding what sounded best for lunch, my mouth was literally watering. So is that why my heart cries when I think about how much I desire this thing called love? Someone told me today that I don't want it enough, which is why I don't have it. Seriously? You mean it gets worse than this, the craving? I've had it before and don't remember ever wishing for it quite this way. Is emotional depth susceptible to inflation?

All I can tell you is that when that bell finally rings for me, my gratitude and devotion will be immeasurable, unmatched and my love will be spectacular.

Ring the bell that still can ring

forget your perfect offering

there is a crack in everything

that's how the light gets in

Leonard Cohen

Oui oui mon ami

Those times when you were running free
we watched you dance in the summer's rain
when you were tied to love by your own heart's strings
we plucked the harmony of melody's refrain
That day when you were bleeding out from
life's searing irony which burned you- we were there
when heaven robbed you of your joyous love
we were there, we held you in our arms
Don't think for a moment, wherever you are
or wherever you go- that love does not go with you
For it is in both the joy and the pain
that life fills you up again and again
we will drink from your cup
or fill you up for we are always with you

You mean we actually are all ONE?

Turn me oh-ver

Writing my wrongs in this black box of shame

Humming some hims to erase all the blame

Kneeling before you, I’s lowered in shame

As pen-nance releases my runaway game

Whisper my seek-ret through these cuts in the steal

Where you hear me, and hold me and tell me to feel

So I squirm and erupt as I rise to my heals  

Shedding shame’s ugly skin, for flesh's a-peel

Holding me farther away from your hearth

where my lips cannot bellow your prodigal spark

Where our fire dares not flare to then fall apart

Hold me where the flame is real, not a shot in the dark

Righting your wrongs in this black box- no shame

Kneeling before me, you bowed down and I came

I dream of melting your tower of shame, as

I burn slowly, warmly- please don't dampen this flame

Til we whisper our secrets through the holes in this fence
The wall crumbles between us, as we move to confess
And we shed all the wrongs, and move on to the best
In the light, in this love, we will truly be blessed

Pen-nance: The act of writing your wrong

Groupie

If an artist performs or creates as a result of true surrender, then mustn't he also surrender to the depth of his audience's reaction or response? If what you created was so beautiful to have touched someone else (however they perceived it) then shouldn't you also be in awe of the place in them that was touched?

So tired of egotistical writers/performers/musicians who only applaud those who see what they do. They're missing their own point. I think.

Tie me up

Ask me anything you want
take whatever you think you need
Know that I will surely give
for love has made a slave of me

Towering tree beyond my reach
ever stretching toward the sky
never does it fail to shelter
the restless wings of tireless flight

nor does the ocean cease to harbor
whales or turtles or angle faced fish
with never a question and never a doubt
for the heart of love is anonymous

It's not that I crave your hungry, warm kisses
or the grasp of your strong, searching hand
These treats after all are not mine to savor
but I once saw your heart in the world of forever

So ask what you will and take what you need
for mine is the deepest pleasure
when I pray that I give you what you need to become
love's devoted slave, forever

if not for me, then for the world... 

We never lose by loving, only by holding back

Hot coal

Compassion... isn't it just a general forgiveness of life and its little mishaps? It is seeing beyond the walls that we build. It's tearing down the fences that keep us from reaching out to each other in an hour of need or want. It is understanding and loving the light in each beautiful soul that we reach out to with our words, money, hands, dreams and hearts. Like forgiveness, compassion rises above personal hurt and need, and moves forward to the place where our souls glow. Its generosity employs the understanding needed to tear down the walls and fences that hold us captive from our own hearts' fullness.

Like forgiveness, compassion is a choice. It is a reality, event or process that begins the minute that we have chosen it, and continues for as long as we remember to practice it. There is no perfection in compassion or forgiveness, as there is always room for more, but there is peace.

Why is it that we try so hard to erase the lines around our eyes, find shorter lines to stand in everywhere we go, and yet we hold so tightly to the lines that bind our hearts and our freedom?

What day is it?

Maybe today is the day you decide enough is enough.

Maybe today you will know that you are worth more than what you are getting, and do not deserve what you are tolerating.

Maybe today is the very day you will make a choice that will bring you peace and happiness.

Maybe today you will find the courage inside yourself to do the thing you think you cannot do.

-Jennifer Jones

Maybe today is the day that you accept and embrace the wonder that engulfs every miracle in this universe- the very light inside of you.
-Me

Ashes to ashes, Us to us

Perception, aka my reality, goes down in that place where I process what is laid before me. My truth is only as poignant as my wealth of experience enhanced by an ability to process, or if I'm lucky- think beyond.

So sweet, the laying down of palms and then the donning of their ashes. It reminds me of the fire ceremony that I love to do, where I release or "repent" my shortcomings- opening the door to goodness and wonder. My gratitude for seeing this is immeasurable as it further deepens my appreciation for our similarities, our ONE common goal. We may have different ways of doing things, but we all love, we all hope and in a beautiful world- we all strive to be better.

Thank you, sweet friend, for helping me see something a little more clearly.

turn it on

with the wondering
and the searching
for some clarity,
some meaning or
even just a "duh"
Curious fervor fills
the nooks and cracks
cramming them so full
that the thoughts spill over
into the next crack
Til all is smooth with
nothing left to need some
great thought or understanding...
when finally a surge of brightness
precedes the vanishing light
yet in the dark you see more
than you ever thought there was to see
And there aren't any questions left
just knowing smiles of understanding
how was I ever so silly
now I'm just a fool
always laughing in the dark

healyyum

Today I wandered
across a dry and
withered field where
nothing and no one could
see
beneath the infinite sky,
one small soul and her
silly little runaway fancies

which escaped her

But there, beneath my stare
laid the fragments of
an air castle's dreaming
for which I could not
help but wonder
from whose hands it had slipped...
had a heart been left longing...
or was this all that remained
of a once fiery yearning or

                                                         ...did someone simply let it go?

Let it out

Let it go

Let it be

Splendor can not be contained in want

looking for beautiful

Dreaded daylight's dimming
quiets remnants of the light within
when dark descends and steals from me
what I thought would be my dream

No words to bless this emptiness
no touch to feel this dwindling bliss
the dream I stoked throughout this day
is closing its sleepy eyes to rest

The wonder of  this fire within
consuming what's been sorely missed
has burned a deeper dream so sweet
which whispering winds have promised me
 
But oh- another night and one more day
have now come to fruitless pass
but tomorrow brings another hope
for the brighter light I yearn to know as

The mares cross night time's burning hills
their thunderous pace in silhouettes
against the flames that are scorching these
fiery dreams whose heat can free the seed

of sweeter dreams, more beautiful

My mid life cry, Sis

When I think back over my life there are certainly regrets, times when I still wish there was a do-over button. It's funny how these times are never the same as the ones where I tried harder or practiced kindness.

:)

Line up!

Why do we draw lines around our hearts?

Defining ourselves whether it's love, politics, not-love, hatred, sexism, racism, or expectations... these lines yield one common result: deprivation. They keep out the love, joy and light that make us more beautiful.

 

We're always trying to get rid of the lines we wait in and the lines on our faces.  :)

cold

Alone in the night
the storm sets
in
The dark can't see
what is haunting
me
Abandoned old heart
beats steadily
bold
in spite of the freeze
in spite of this
cold
Icicle daggers
tear me a new
pain
but hey, it's only love-
It'll come 'round
again

Holic

Confessions of a loveaholic

I want it
I love the way it tastes
I think about it all day long
I dream about it every night
I swoon when I see others partake,
knowing the ecstasy they must be feeling
I'm so sad and lonely yet
so glad and hopeful
There is nothing I want more
than to feel the warmth of a yearning touch
the depth of caring in a smitten stare
where is the stroke of pleasure as I
turn toward you, reach my mouth forward,
run my hand down your long, strong thigh

Everything tastes better and pours a little sweeter
when it's flavored with love's splendor
All is wonder
all is better
when to love's spell our wills surrender
Nothing left to want
nothing next to need
Love fills the holes of all
love frees the newborn seeds
of hope and depth and joy

Who is the angel
in charge of this ball
who calls the numbers
for one and all
So many have won it
I alone lose
each time I wish
each time I choose
where is the charm
the luck I seek
Why, it is hidden
deep inside of me
Today is the day to
turn it on, this love
I love must be my own
turned on
for I am love
I am the seed
I am all the luck I need

when love paints the sky
in fantastic colors
and breathes new scents
into every flower
and counts its infinite
number of petaled soft wonders
and takes me to the place
where everything is more
beautiful and alive
because of it
because it called my number

Love is life's crayon which colors us beautiful

: )

He said that life's greatest gift had been given to him, the day he saw her smile.

Tripping the lights fantastic

Their voices called to me as I flew by

Each star in the sky sang its own song

And in wonder I welled and swelled as

I tarried by each one for what seemed like forever

Til off I flew to the next luminous miracle

Squealing with delight as the wind and

The stardust rushed across my face and through my hair

I looked back and saw the billions of stars

With whom I had sang and breathed and loved

Then looked forward in anticipation of what

Was yet to come

A billion more lights each offering me

Their luminous treasures for
just one second, which holds eternity

No wonder I wake up so tired

after all...

Did you see it?
It was a glint of light
mingled with day before
turning to night

one small flash of wonder
as I danced through day's light
propelled by the magic
of this dream's lovely might

Did you hear it?
It was a note of splendor
which harmony joined
in the sweetest surrender

one small clash of thunder
that wakened the earth
as sweet spirits slept
awaiting their birth

Did you feel it?
moving just for a second,
the universe trembled
for it knew what my heart meant

one small jolt of motion
one heart can't stop beating
one soul for its wanting
one great dream for the taking

     -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

(And I hovered over you today
I hope you do not mind
but as my heart was flying by,
I felt your soul in kind

one flash of lightning
which caught my eye
your dream's bright light-
just lit the sky)

...it is a small world!

Truth is...

The only way that the truth will ever set you free,
is when it is your own.

not mine
or hers or his
or the priest's
or the prophet's
not the fired up teacher's

it's that resurrection
the one that heals you
from the bleeding
after it cuts and guts
you and you're living

for the first time
raw and unashamed
wet and covered in
its oxygen reddened blood
drowning in its tears til

you are born once again
this time your chest
heaving, your head dizzy
from this spinning til you
fly for the first time... free

Not so damned if you do, but damned if you don't... but then that's MY truth. ;)