Reaching out beyond the dream of what you thought was real, spinning on this ball of life, head now under heel. Ready to die, to live this life so raw, alive on ledge- dancing, hurling, freeing your soul to finally stretch the edge.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Pav-love

Thank you for the comforting moments that I find when my stomach is heaving in the silence of this grief
Thank you for the understanding which you help me find when I am lost in myself
Thank you for the peace that impales and keeps me upright even in the midst of a storm
Thank you for the tears that let the pain of emptiness and loss roll away from me
Thank you for hearing my prayers and even when the answer is not yet, you stay close by and hold me
Thank you for how far I've come and
Thank you for all that I have yet to be
Thank you for the strength and courage to keep hoping and dreaming
Thank you for the gifts that I never thought to ask for
Thank you for every time that I am touched and brought back to life, I am reminded of the bliss I seek
Thank you for my hunger
Thank you for delicious affection
Thank you for laughter and silliness
Thank you for helping me respect differences
Thank you for helping me recognize similarities
Thank you for the warmth of sun and the cold of rain
Thank you for remorse
Thank you for second chances and first ones too, and any bonuses along the way
Thank you for broken hearts and mended fences
Thank you for loneliness

Sadness sucks. Loneliness is frequently sad. I am looking forward to the day when I will be loved- when I can love freely. Driving home from church today I suddenly realized that the ache in my belly was due to a lack of food. While I was deciding what sounded best for lunch, my mouth was literally watering. So is that why my heart cries when I think about how much I desire this thing called love? Someone told me today that I don't want it enough, which is why I don't have it. Seriously? You mean it gets worse than this, the craving? I've had it before and don't remember ever wishing for it quite this way. Is emotional depth susceptible to inflation?

All I can tell you is that when that bell finally rings for me, my gratitude and devotion will be immeasurable, unmatched and my love will be spectacular.

Ring the bell that still can ring
forget your perfect offering
there is a crack in everything
that's how the light gets in

Leonard Cohen

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