With just five minutes before the new year was to begin, there I was-laughing my ass off alongside a truly wonderful person. The last thing that I wanted to happen yesterday was to let the year slip away with a boring, meaningless and lonely day. We had agreed to start the evening by attending a Burning Bowl ceremony, but otherwise we were going to be winging it.
While laughing so hard that I was gasping, it occurred to me that this moment was my choice. It was a combination of my decision, my invitation and my action which landed me right there. It was my friend's choice to share some vulnerable truths from her own life that landed us on a bluff with a calloused homeless man who helped me to realize that ignoring our pain and difficulty just turns our hearts to stone. What have I been surviving if I've shut myself out of my own house... my own heart?
As I have been opening myself up to extraordinary realities, the rush of emotions have broken the damn barriers which I hoped would shield my heart from breaking. But without the rushing waters, or yes, even the floods- we dehydrate, shrivel and die anyway. Every time I am touched by the sight of beauty or love, I cry. Every time someone does something nice for me, I get all misty. And every time I invite love to me, I melt.
The hard truth for me is that I am an excellent source of giving love. I guess, as a sponge who needed love's waters as a child; I never knew the getting. So as I have grown all that I knew was how to give it so that those whom I adored, would get it. But for someone to really get me, I'm going to have to take theirs, too. To do this I'm going to have to melt the rigid form of my belief, and just be with love.
Staring into the sky on that bluff last night I was taken to a celestial dream where as a beam of light I met another-a blue beam and we mingled and swayed across the sky. A whisper from the ocean below told me- let this love melt your heart.
In the beginning was the word, and the word is melt.
Thank you!
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