A new day

The new moon is a perfect opportunity to ask for a new dream. In the moments before sleep a few nights ago, the darkness found me asking for just this- a direction to start, to honor this gift of life which I've been squandering. Last night while waiting in my car for someone, I looked up and the deep autumnal hues of purples and burgundy that colored the transition between day and night, were sliced with a long, low sliver of silvered moon.

Now that the darkness is gone, my request before sleep last night was a peaceful, dreamy slumber. Nine hours later I awoke with an abundance of energy and excitement for a day that I know will be wonderful. Just 2 days shy of five months since my accident, the only thing I could think to do was to visit my beloved hills. I knew I wouldn't be able to climb them, but I could certainly circle the magnificence while clinging to the access road.

My car pulled into its familiar spot as if it knew the way. Turning around and looking at my welcoming tree, and then glancing up my favorite hill, my eyes progressed toward the sky which was a bluish purple with bright, white clouds. It was more of a psychedelic dream than an atmosphere. This beauty lit something up inside of me that caused me to abandon my safety strategy, and I rationed that I could go in just a little bit and stick to an easy path. I wasn't sure how I was going to navigate the storm-ravaged river bed with its steep drops, but I didn't care. I figured I'd try and if all else failed, I could always turn back.

I think there were angels singing when I got there, as I saw that someone had flattened out the access, turning them to hills instead of drops. God, I just knew I could do it if I was careful. And I did. As I turned the corner on the path and saw my familiar rocks and lush, gnarled trees- once again, I felt I'd been kissed by g~d.

Not that I had never really appreciated it before, but when we lose something that we love- we learn to love it more. Wanting gives us a clear vision of what it is that we seek- things which we are shielded from in bounty. Strolling slowly across the earth, ignoring my pain, my stomach was jumping and rolling as I succumbed to the flood of relief, for finding this love again.  There was a sadness in me when I realized that I never before knew this wealth.

The tears' tracks on my face scribed my new prayer to life, that I never love or appreciate, any less, this love I now know. May it always cut quickly to my soul, and not be fettered by disappointment or pain. To this day I still believe I brought this injury on myself when I asked to be more understanding of slow people. It never occurred to me that it was my slow heart that needed the fixing.

Fifteen minutes was about all I could take as the swelling of my knee started to overtake the other swells. So I wrapped it up and packed Pooey in the car, then leaned against it, staring at the tree, the hill, the path- they were never more beautiful. After a few minutes Pooey barked as my frozen gaze gave way to the realization of how cold I was. Suddenly the yearning to be home, wrapped in a blanket, sipping hot coffee became my newest passion. CRAP- I forgot to buy coffee on the way home yesterday. I fretted about this for less than a minute before I realized that it's just going to taste even better, tomorrow.