Three times yesterday I was honored with the opportunities to extinguish flaming sweets. Every year the cakes get a little bit brighter. This might be symbolic of the thought that we are more luminous as we grow... all I really know is that my aging eyes appreciate the extra light!
Make a wish! What to wish for… the first candles found me wishing for a more peaceful world. What the heck. Just in case there’s a genie in that cake, I’d better make this a good one.
The second wish in the middle of the afternoon found me wishing that the people I love would all be content and fulfilled in their lives. All of them. Sometimes I can get a little greedy!
Even though I felt so blessed by so many people sending me their love and wishes, there were some glaring omissions which cut me to the quick. I tried so many times to pull myself out of the pity pit, but the brighter side of my usual outlook was hidden in this darkness. I continuously checked my phone and email, hoping for that prodigal flicker that would have made me feel what I longed to feel... on this day that I dared to wish.
Even though I felt so blessed by so many people sending me their love and wishes, there were some glaring omissions which cut me to the quick. I tried so many times to pull myself out of the pity pit, but the brighter side of my usual outlook was hidden in this darkness. I continuously checked my phone and email, hoping for that prodigal flicker that would have made me feel what I longed to feel... on this day that I dared to wish.
My drive home was saturated with pain when I could no longer manage to dig myself out of my pity pit. I didn’t think I’d make it to the front door without bursting into tears. Even though I have been on my own for years, I still can’t avoid that sinking, burning pain of loneliness at the time that I should be celebrating. Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day, my birthday… these are the times when I remember that I am alone. These are the days that I’d rather skip, to avoid the grief of my reality.
Walking through the door without having yet melted, I tried to make a quick escape to my room, without anyone noticing. There I could have a proper meltdown and be done with all of the disappointment of this day. But my daughter stopped me. She asked me to sit down and she put a candle-clad cake in front of me. A really delicious cake! Next to it she plopped a red bag.
The lit candles lent themselves to an awesome amber glow in the room, which flickered on the cake’s butterfly ornament, making the wings seem to flutter. The light from all of those candles warmed me as I chose to remember all of the love and the good that I have amassed over the years. As the song trailed off, my inner whisper nudged me to “make it count.” So as the wax dripped slowly onto the melting scalloped edges of the cream topping, my heart mustered the courage to ask for what I really wanted. Not something to just wish for, but something worth having. Once you blow out the candles the wishes are gone- all you have left is what you have chosen. Make it count.
The lit candles lent themselves to an awesome amber glow in the room, which flickered on the cake’s butterfly ornament, making the wings seem to flutter. The light from all of those candles warmed me as I chose to remember all of the love and the good that I have amassed over the years. As the song trailed off, my inner whisper nudged me to “make it count.” So as the wax dripped slowly onto the melting scalloped edges of the cream topping, my heart mustered the courage to ask for what I really wanted. Not something to just wish for, but something worth having. Once you blow out the candles the wishes are gone- all you have left is what you have chosen. Make it count.
Happy Birthday to Me!
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the Master calls a butterfly."
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