I had been meaning to find a way to encase the stone which I could then chain around my neck. Now it was too late. Picking up the pieces in my hand (there are now 6) I wondered what I could construct with these shattered shards of blue. Just two weeks ago my Reiki master presented me with this stone which came with two simple instructions. First, I was to bring more joy into my life. She has helped me rid myself of the karmic, psychic and emotional debris that were clogging my joy pores, because I'm ready and it's time. The second directive was to keep the stone with me, which was the reason it was tucked safely between the underside of my left breast and my bra, so close to my heart.
So here I sit staring at my 6 piece aqua aura pile of joy. I laugh because these fragments are so symbolic of my life which truly is joy-filled, and a result of many breaks. Breaks of hearts, promises, dreams, illusions, delusions, lies, truths, and beliefs. There are many people who believe in the power of crystals, as there are many who believe in the power of God, communion, chanting, and even joy and love. These last few months have been an incredible passage in my life- the shift from stability (which was long and hard fought for) as I catapulted in a spiraling back-flip into ecstasy. How I got here is no feat of magic, just the simple knowledge that I am love and light. This has empowered me to forgive myself all of my sins- big or small, which in turn has allowed me to forgive others' theirs. This freedom has afforded me the ability to love myself in spite of my flaws, in spite of my wrongs. And this, in turn, allows me to freely love the light in others.
Later in the day, after my shaman gifted me an aura of joy, I fell in love with the world a little more deeply. While trolling around San Diego with a delicious friend I wandered away, getting caught up in the artistry of unknown souls. To feel the magic in each woven strand of fabric, or brush stroke of genius on a canvas, I was swept into that ecstatic knowing sense of unison with this beautiful world. A quiet tap on my shoulder told me to look up and there it was- the word JOY spelled out in glistening red garland, just above a green doorway.
I was never taught to seek joy. Life was just a chore to be endured and survived. It has taken a lot of pain-soaked years to get here, and to learn to honor my highest self and our needs. But here I am.
If I had seen the garland joy just one day earlier, it might not have tickled me the way it did now (and does every time I now think of it). But isn't that just how joy works? Would I not appreciate and understand the greatness of what I have, if it were not for all that I have lost, all that I have come to crave? Would your face not be so beautiful or so understood and appreciated, if it were not for the loss and longing's light in which I now see it? Would you not touch me, unbeknownst to you, the way that you do, if I could not want and feel what I do?
My little pile of rocks is now scattered through parts of my life. A little bit in my car, a piece on my work desk, one in front of my computer where I sit and write this, one on my night stand, a new part of my shrine to the call for love, and the biggest chunk I keep safely in my pocket. Every so often I reach into that pocket and touch my joy. It's mine...
Thank you
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