Reaching out beyond the dream of what you thought was real, spinning on this ball of life, head now under heel. Ready to die, to live this life so raw, alive on ledge- dancing, hurling, freeing your soul to finally stretch the edge.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

A waking heart

It was a deep and blissful sleep.  Rolling around under the covers, purposely rubbing my feet, hands, legs, arms and face against the softness of the sheets- I was overcome with happiness.

Last night my son coaxed me out of bed as I was drifting away, to play ping pong with him.  We played and laughed for almost an hour.  It's funny how such a simple thing can bring so much enjoyment.  Looking at him across the table from me, I see a tall and handsome man who has kidnapped my sweet little joy bundle.  But oh, when he laughs, the joy that emanates from that beautiful face is as alive and pure as it ever was.

While we were cleaning out the garage yesterday I decided to donate a couple of very nice bicycles to the fire department.  They are having a drive to collect some for needy children's Christmas gifts.  When Jake heard that he offered up his pristine $400 Haro bike because although he could sell it for a nice chunk of change, he preferred the thought of a child with very little, enjoying it.

Going through boxes and deciding to throw away things that I just didn't need anymore made me sad.  There were so many reminders of what I no longer had, which made me think about what I wished I did have.  I went to bed feeling a bit somber and couldn't find the strength to be happy.  Sometimes, I reminded myself, you need to acknowledge the dark.

On Jake's prompting, I climbed out of bed in my pretty pink nightgown, put on my slick new sneakers and a purple sweater and headed downstairs where that beautiful boy was waiting for me.  The garage was noticeably emptier- gone were reminders of what no longer was, leaving the space more open. In no time at all we filled it will laughter, love and joy.

Thank you!

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