One little moment

Last week when my heart was feeling a bit restless, leaving my body just a little antsy, I kept wondering what was coming next.  I no longer hear the prompts that tell me to wait, I only hear silence.  So I wait... to hear something new.  This waiting was growing a little old when the possibility crossed my mind, that perhaps I was using my wait mandate as an excuse to be lazy.  That very afternoon in my email was a reminder from the UC that I should get excited about the upcoming Sunday service.  Toward the bottom of the bulletin was a reading from Reverend Will.  Whether or not those were usually included I could not tell you.  But this very moment brought me a story of a caterpillar that was completely useless as it was approaching the end of its caterpillarhood.  It no longer knew how to be a caterpillar as it readied itself to be a butterfly. 

A butterfly.  Imagine that.

So I'm not sure if the universe, God, Spirit, or the Puppet Master (as I like to call god) is accustomed to playing practical jokes on people, but I felt a little tricked this last week.  As I ran my hand over case after case of jewelry, only one piece called me.  Asking the sales girl for a little help I knew in the pit of my stomach that this piece was the one for me.  Not only did it have the perfectly textured separators that I adore, but from its end dangled a charm with Kwan Yin's image.  Kwan Yin is the goddess of compassion who has brought me so much peace.  Not she, the goddess, but she the concept and the freedom which I own to call on her as needed.  It is that sacred knowledge that if you can see or feel it, it is yours.  Amen and Amen.

As I marveled at this piece as I would a newborn baby that had just emerged from me I was lost in the wonder... what would these stones do for me?  The kind clerk told me that these reddish stones had healing powers which lead me to the conclusion that they were connected with my root chakra.  Sold.  We were meant to be love.

I wore it out, of course- no need to waste a bag and it sat so beautifully next to my heart bangle.  But as I admired it in the light I realized that its color was more orange than red.  Sure enough carnelion (according to the www) is an orange stone and is associated with creation and sexuality.  I thought how funny it is that the pure energy of creation and sexuality are so deeply connected. 

On Sunday as I listened to Reverend Wendy talk about our powers of creation I squirmed in my seat.  She spoke of a woman who travels deep into jungles where her life is in a constant state of danger- because her calling to bring the world's condition to light, was something she could not squirm out of.  I listened as Wendy talked about Peter the apostle, as he walked across the water to get to Jesus.  This is faith.  Faith, the definition of which I defined for myself just last week as being the ability to believe in yourself, your greatness, and your knowing.  Then she used the words that rang my bell louder and clearer in that one short moment, than I've ever heard a bell ring.  Inside out.  Those two little words.  They took one little moment to spill from her lips. 

So god, my puppet master, what is it that I'm supposed to do.  Oh Laura, what do you want from me?  WEAR THE INSIDE OUT!  What???  I said what as if the answer had been uttered in an unintelligible language, but I knew its meaning.  As I had been thinking about my stories, my greater truths, and the arts that have sprung from them I realized that in order for mankind to know how he feels which will enable him to feel for others, he must work from the inside, and wear the inside out.  No hiding.  Just a raw and naked relationship- the most intimate of all- with oneself.  And that, folks, is how we get there...

From the inside, out.