a very good day to die

A most exquisite morning started a little bit late. The sun was already shining and the crystals which covered the grass blades were thawing. Not yet ready to abandon their posts, they sparkled with prismatic color as the sun kissed each one of them.

"a million blades
a billion lights
envelop my soul
what a glorious sight"

Having gone out expecting a colder morning I was wearing too many layers, leaving me a little bit heated. I contemplated removing my outer shirt but was quickly distracted by what lay before me. Just the most beautiful shady area covered in fallen golden leaves. We quickly descended the hill and reveled in the coolness of the shade as we crunched through the bed of leaves. It was too beautiful.

Of course I got lost in it and found myself thinking about my "burning bowl." Tonight is the night where we put our pasts behind us and forge ahead into something more positive. I thought about what I might cremate and well, unfortunately several things came to mind. I laughed at myself because it didn't even matter to me that I had work to do. There I stood, a person who is so much wiser, stronger and more beautiful than ever before, and yet so imperfect. What in the world would I ever do with myself if there wasn't something to work on? I'm just so grateful for the ability to heal and still enjoy in spite of my shortcomings. Life is so very good.

A sudden breeze rattled the branches above me and I was showered with golden drops. Drops reminiscent of greener, warmer days. Drops which were now more beautiful as they danced then bowed to their new existence. Even my pups stood in silent awe of this magnificent show.

So I guess that in spite of my lost chances at love, almost losing my daughter, and being a little too sick- the celebration of this past year lies in the joyful souvenirs it has all left me. It's almost too much...

thank you!

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