You get what you need

Today was a typical medley of good and bad, happiness and disappointment, dark and light. The morning's sunrise, in spite of the early darkness, eventually found me. By the time I was out the door and on my way, the scales tipped toward good.

I think it was sometime in the the middle of the morning when I got the unexpected ovation which should have sent me reeling. I suppose the shock was numbing, because all that I felt was the loneliness in the reality that I had no one to tell. No confidence wanting to witness the unearthing of my vulnerability. How dare I not be grateful or elated? How dare I, the one who revels in all things beautiful and sweet, wallow in this mud?

There were attempts to snap myself out of it throughout the day, but they were obligatory at best. The day could not end fast enough. Bursting through the door, the flood gates gave way. I quickly ran upstairs to the balcony, grabbed my cozy brown blanket and melted into the cushioned glider. I don't know how long I was crying before Frank showed up and was sitting next to me. I might not have noticed him if it weren't for the squealing, screeching noise that the damn door makes every time you close it. It's hard to pretend you're not upset when your eyes are swollen, your nose is red and your shirt is sopping from the tears. There's no magical recovery from that point, that can fool someone into thinking "it's nothing." It wasn't really anything, either, and he seemed to understand.

He would not leave, however, until he fixed my door. He worked at it for a short while before his sweet, happy face beamed with pride. He asked me if I was cold. "Yes." He disappeared. Kate came floating in within a few minutes, with a bag in her hand. "Happy Friday," was the excuse for her offering. Beneath the wads of pretty red paper was a gem encrusted owl key chain from Brighton. Too sweet. A couple of weeks ago she told me that I was going to get everything I deserved; that all of the love and caring I had dispensed over the years, was coming back to me. What she didn't see, was that it had.

I wandered downstairs to find something to eat and there was a fire crackling away. After my snack I laid down on a couch to enjoy the warmth. I laid there with my eyes closed and felt him putting a blanket over my feet, and tucking me in.