Do you have a minute
to grant me just one answer
to the question in my mind
to this calling from my heart
for i loved you deeply
and bowed in gratitude at your feet
I adored your laughter
and gazed at your beauty
I waited while you slept
and I held you when you couldn't
your tears were the penance of my sins, so
as precious, never wiped from the face of
sorrow we held together
and as i remember the times that
I burned for you
and the times my heart melted
There is just one remaining wonder
in the mauling of my heart...
                                              do you ever think of me?

My foolish heart
that tumbles with weeds
that giggles in folly
and begs for love's plea

awakened in tears of
the early morning's fog
or lulled by the chorus
of the crickets' rhythmic song

my heart becomes one with
the patter of the rain
or the rushing of a river
whether to swell or sadly drain

my foolish heart joins
the echoes of the thunder in the hills
never thinking for a moment
of the possibility of its will- or its won't

In the butterfly so free or
the howling young coyote
the call of the beckoned love
is what my heart sees clear enough

in the face of the man whose
name I never knew
my heart bowed down before his
kindness, before his love of you

and I loved him
for just one moment
for his beauty and his song
that can be heard in the
flitting of the butterfly's wings
the call of the coyote
the river's rushing mightily
as the rain pours down gently
tickling my laughing soul

for love is love is love

even just for a moment

Born again

The skeleton key to happiness is in crucifying the confines of belief. Transcend the closet and be what best serves your heart, and what makes the world better. Let the light in.

Oh those sharp little edges. Don't play with that knife unless you're willing to bleed. :)

Carnivorous

Prowling the hills
solitary we hunt
for sustenance
we scour the earth

Finding the kill
that pertinent fill
but rooting for pain
we’re just hungry again

Rip it to shreds
mouth dripping with blood
Coming up for air
we have nothing to fear

Can you survive the stream
Of the blood that flows
Can you rip it to shreds
Will you break bread with me

Will you wear the warm pelt
As we worship the sun
And peacefully slumber
Once the feasting is done

Can the warmth of our flesh
thaw the raw of our souls
Can the depth of our truths
quench us, hungry carnivores

As they lay in the dirt
our hearts beating aloud
They poke and they laugh
The finger pointing crowd

Can you swim up the stream
Of the blood that flows
Can you rip it to shreds
Won't you break bread with me

GJ 08.14.12

8/14/12

Today was wonderful. I worked hard and I helped people and although my body tired, my spirit did not. This part of me has finally come home. It took longer than I wanted but it came. My hunger bade its return. But return, it could not, until I learned to hunger once again. Thank you, life. Thank you, love. Thank you for bringing me home.  Thank you for staying with me while I have learned to be strong again. Thank you for teaching me that there is nothing weak about weakness. Thank you that I feel beautiful again. Thank you that my body is becoming strong again. Thank you that my children are healing and becoming bountifully happy. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of even my strangest little needs, every time I dare to honor or speak them. Thank you for what is coming, and for my thankful heart which spills over, filling the river on which I will sail into happiness.

Thank you.
 

Hold my heart tonight
keep it safe from all the sounds
of loneliness and fear
and of things I cannot dream

Hold me close tonight
be the soothing balm that
heals me be the easy slip that
frees me...
from me
                                       
Hold my heart tonight
reach your strong heart toward mine
sit beside me in the dimming light
be my brightness, be my guide

Please, won't you hold my heart tonight
hold me close through all the darkness
while I cherish the light and kindness
beating through your heart to mine

...hold my heart

l♥vely

when it calls my name and reaches out to me
love never lets me fail to see
the hours that I cried nor the minutes I was free
for it all is what has made this of me

when I reach through the jagged fence of my heart
love never fails to make me bleed
for it is in the keeping of the goddess, lovely
that loving this light will set me free

it's not the questions that burn down the long night
that force the light to make me see
it is when love calls my name, so lovingly,
in god's face, the mirror, I can finally be

                     love



For I must have been the heart of god
when Love was what god thought of

In the radiance of his loving kindness
I ignite the sky's lights by the billions

And in morning's gift of sky so blue, I swear-
god loves me more, when my thoughts are true

In me, so right, I am blessed and beloved
for I must have been what god thought of

When god first thought to Love

Bounty

Throwing in the towel. Not the towel I need, but the one that I don't need. The one that sits in the cupboard, unused because it's too pretty to mess up.
Giving away the excess. Not the things that warm me, but the ones that sit cold and alone because I do not love them. What's the point in saving things that do not suit me, when there are hungry people waiting for food? What's the point of cluttering my energy with remnants of the sad past, when instead I could be making room for the hope that I need?

Stagnancy clutters the vibration so I'm throwing out the towel...

you can

Swimming out into the deep blue sea

Floating quietly for a moment til any

Thoughts of returning to safety pale

In the light of going for it

Reaching for the splendid dream

Of love or light or bliss

I cannot shelter my heart or soul

From the fear of maybe, losing it

In each day or hour or moment

When fear and doubt are spurned

The moment of bliss when I  touch the light-

This is the point of know return

DJ 07.31.12 (an afternoon nap)

Listening to the wind whispering through my pine trees, I can hear nothing else. Just three trees-a drop in the universal thicket of sound. What if, all of our ethereal voices joined to echo the laughter of the universe, the voice of compassion, the trumpets of love and life? What if we all joined in that harmony? Could anything else be heard? Ever?

Kinda' funny, how loud a whisper can be!

a good death

When I let go I can see things

I never thought to think to see

The swirls in the lucky stained glass heart

Or the curves within the witch’s ball

The fly who perches upon my glass

Whether he’s licking the salt or craving the lime

All things that I see when I take the time

And sometimes I remember how it felt

Driving down that road with the wind

Blowing furiously, my longish hair, in my face

Sticking to my glossy lips, which smile

When I touch them because life,

In spite of itself, is more beautiful

Than its hardness that once petrified me

And made me bleed from my repentant knees

If just for a little while

But death is so good

When it clears the way for

Sticky lips and glassy curves

And stained, swirling glass

That always, always makes me smile

For

No reason other than,

Being beautiful, being lucky...
being blissed

DJ 07.30.12

First glimpses of light befriend the fingers of the trees
the hands of freedom not yet flying, safely nested
bowed in reverence, wings held in prayer
silence fills souls that lay sleepily dreaming in bed
Not yet woken, life understands its love of goodness
when the morning stars sing together
and all sons of man shout in joy
as the earth quietly dreams a deeper dream

and we are ONE
ONE heart
ONE love
ONE world
ONE
in the absence of knowing
One day we will awaken and remember the dream

good mourning

When your heart hurts and you can't feel the living
when the sun does not burn through the morning gray
when the absence of flitting, flapping birds stunts the forest
and laughter cannot be seen, felt or heard
you breathe in the cold and quiet gray

until your heart beats again

Pain becomes unbearable only when you keep fighting it. In your mind, the land of fear and distorted reality, pain is magnified. Blown up into an unconquerable monster that will torture you emotionally and physically, you hide from pain. But this insurmountable affliction is not real. Stick a pin in it and see it evaporate into the condensed puddle of tears it will actually cry. There is no flood that will drown you. Don't run from pain. Be with it. Let it. And then ride the night into the splintered light of morning, then into the brightness of the day.

it matters

Getting into heaven or acquiring good karma are not my motives for practicing compassion or doing good things. When I am even one nth of a reason that someone's life/day/moment is better, I am in heaven and I have already received my reward. It's that simple.

DJ 07.25.12

Kneeling before a white stone altar, with my forehead touching the ground as if we were exchanging our views-
I heard the call to sacrifice, in a sweet voice's song, and without question-
placed my heart on the table
Blood dripping and streaming heavier with each post-mortal pulse
making its way over the bull-nosed edge, falling slowly, only when it had pooled heavily, into the ground below
My white garment's knees stained with my own blood, I watched the pulsing drain my own heart of its thickened, nebulous waters
Til it was no longer dripping, no longer seeping-
life was gone

Til the rains started falling, washing away the pain-ted debris, quenching, cleansing, and anointing me

Yes, it is a good day to die. May my death be a good one.

:) Rain dance

Intimacy

Teacher, Teacher, teach me love

The thing about me is that I will gladly pay higher taxes
and give more than I need to give
to divert the hunger of a beloved grandmother
or a cherished baby
or its sweet little puppy

And even stranger still, I suppose
is that if a starving man
were robbing my house I would
help him fill his bag
and bake him cookies for the road

If my friend should choose to persecute me
for these decisions which bleed HIS heart dry
then let me hand him the nails
let me carry my cross
let me turn the other cheek

For in doing so I hear with a
new ear
and see with a new eye
and love with a new heart
And we all win

Had I not sinned against many men
'ruined' the lives of those who chose to love me
not taken from people what should have
been theirs to love
I would not know the power of redemption or
the value of forgiveness

Haven't we all sinned against life,
against man?
Haven't we all had to learn to do pennance?
If we take an eye for every eye,
how will we ever see the good?

Hmmmm... but a world full of blind men definitely diminishes the most devastating judgments of all. Maybe we could just love each other for what we really are and not how we look, or how we feel. But maybe, for how we listen, or gasp...how we love.  Sigh...

The spoils of war

Isn't there always a bigger picture than just what lies on your table? Like the people who built the roads that you drive to get the food...
the farmers who tilled the land
the hands who plucked it?
the one who invented the machines that prep the crops
the ones who learned from the droughts
and the locusts
How about that guy who toiled and
sacrificed to bring you an engine?
You did nothing on your own, for
you were fed and educated by countless others
Give thanks for them
and their wisdom
and their sweat, blood and tears.

And when the time comes to change
be with the force that honors improvement
the one that turns the other cheek,
even if the spoils are not your own
Can you be life and courage and something
beyond yourself?

Can you be anything other than greed?

Can you honor  the path of another, even if
it costs you pennies?
What about your pride?
Can you sacrifice that for a little while
whilst the unloved brother learns a little something?
Would it kill you?
The way your gun kills him as  he
tries to feed his family,
rummaging through your own riches?
Can you not turn your cheek to see something a
little bit different?

There is nothing to win in righteousness
other than a shiny, empty, obligatory medal
that says you're right.

I'll take second, third or last- any day
if my brother somehow,
wins something, first

When one wins anything worthwhile,
even the losers share the spoils of war.

The power of now

Now is the time to do it
Now is the time to open your eyes
and ready your heart
Now is the time to make a difference
in the way the world cares
Even if only in your tiny corner
only if the awareness and the change
Are as big as the magnificence
within you
It's still bigger and better
than what it used to be
Now is as perfect a time as any
Now is where we are
and always will be

It will find me...

At the end of every dark and lonely night, comes the light

Bleeding

Last night's soft rains
of a billion purging drops
become the morning's dew-
today's cleansing,
quenching renewal
a well so deep and
sometimes, seemingly cruel
but whose waters feed me
and make me, always
something different than
I ever thought that I would be