Reaching out beyond the dream of what you thought was real, spinning on this ball of life, head now under heel. Ready to die, to live this life so raw, alive on ledge- dancing, hurling, freeing your soul to finally stretch the edge.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Step 1

Dear,

Thanks for the wishes. I've started to write to you several times, but it never feels right if I don't have much to say- to you. You're not the "average" guy.

Just a little while ago I found myself wishing that my life was a little more routine and boring than it is. "Live in the moment" is the wisdom that I'm supposed to employ at all times- one of my hardest lessons yet. I can certainly enjoy beauty in spite of bad situations, I can appreciate goodness in spite of evil, and I relish pleasure even in the face of pain. What I can't seem to do is surrender my fear. Not when I really need to.

How many difficulties does a person need to sustain before KNOWING that it is not the outcome that matters? It is the income, the realization of gain- whether it's heart, knowledge, wisdom, or understanding... that we take from it, that sums up our total. But this philosophy doesn't seem to make things easier when you're weathering a storm. Then again, who said anything should ever be easy?


If I look forward to the end of the tunnel, I'll miss the light right now- the pink hues that are settling over the mountains, or the glow that will rise inside tomorrow morning's fog, when the sun awakens.

I hope your night is filled with beauty and peace,
Laura


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