Hey Guru!

I'm not sure how a person of spiritual "maturity" could see someone as not spiritually mature. Isn't the whole goal to be living in Love? Love doesn't cast stones or suppositions. Love just is.

I'm pretty sure Love laughs a lot, though. Mostly because everything is wonderful, but also because some spiritually mature people do silly things. :) 

Skirtin the edge

I want to be with you
when the morning comes upon itself
waiting to be this day

Can I watch as the
beaming lights ring out the sound
of breathless beauty
while they turn to kiss your face

Touch this piece of me
engorged by the rising mist of this
morning, breaking bad


Challenge your conventions, Babe. Follow me.

stranger rhythm

So did you wanna come up
and listen to some music with me?

We'll climb high, high up
into the old oak tree

til at last we take a breath
for all is ours to see

iloveyousodamnmuch

"I got a rock!"

Yesterday, standing in front of the Pacific monster, I watched it quietly end its journey, kissing my feet. Then I remembered. In order to remember, you must first have forgotten. But how do you forget to laugh, breathe, celebrate and hope?

A few months ago when everything seemed to be moving along peacefully, something shifted. It started with a rock through a window. Two weeks later there was a crash. Then my dog died. Not far after, I almost died because of a tiny little kidney stone. The road back has been long, hard, painful and lonely. There has been heartache and fear- enough to scare even a mother, and there has been a lot of disappointment. My birthday came and went with just one birthday card and zero celebrations, my years of dedication to raising a child ended with me crying the night away when he wasn't allowed to put on a cap and gown and do the walk. My crazy hard work in spite of all of this has left me exhausted and emotionally listless.

Being the introspective person that I am, I am always considering things for myself that could be different, better, worse. I give thanks daily, even every minute for the things that go right- even if they are fleeting or fleeing. I give love, support, money, guidance and my heart each time I have the opportunity. I have read countless times, and firmly believe, that we get back what we give out. So where's my reward?

As the languishing layers of water glided in, each on the back of its forerunner, I could hear the crashing of the waves beyond, but kept my focus on the tiny toe tickles that were actually touching me. Do you remember the Charlie Brown Halloween special where the kids are trick or treating and after each stop when their bags were a little more full, they would each proclaim, "I got a lollipop!" "I got candy corn!" or "I got a penny." But poor Charlie Brown, all forlorn, could only offer up, "I got a rock." I don't know why this little scene has played a thousand times in my head over the years, when I clearly would have preferred a lollipop or a shiny penny, but it rings clearly from time to time. Yesterday I remembered the day that I first heard rocks tumbling in the somewhat brisk rolling of the waves that decided to go for it, until they ran out of ocean, laying all kinds of colors at my feet. It was so damn beautiful so I let them thrill me with their own presentation, before making them into my own art.

Not wanting to insult the ocean with my woeful rendition of salt water, I held my tears back yesterday when I let myself remember how alone I was in the hospital, how unappreciated I felt as my birthday went uncelebrated, how sad I remain that my sweet dog is gone, and how puzzled I have become that love keeps teasing me. I guess it was the moment that I decided to be done crying about the last few months and all of the difficulties. I did ask one more time though, "Life, why do you keep throwing rocks at me?"

Just as I was getting ready to retire to my chair, one particularly frisky wave came rolling in and laid a smooth little rock next to my foot. Just one. Something is coming...

Hiding in the shadows...

It is in the long shadows within the shade
it waits for me til I call its name

It is grimmest gray as it hugs yearning earth
dowsing parched, withered greens, quenching their thirst

It is explosive light trapped in a singular cloud
unabashedly longing to be bursting out

It is the dark within a dreary, cold night
blindly reaching for more, as it craves warmth and light

It is rising sun's splendor kissing ocean's still plane
til its rushing and swelling spawns joy's crashing wave

It is spilling your soul into hands cupped with care
that hold it so dear, just let go - and you're there

It is in the long shadows within the shade
I dance madly, gladly, calling its name

It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less
cuz you get what you chase, so go follow your bliss

Knitting daisy chains

The only real source of sin, I believe
is in not seeing the god in me

or you

We were all made with a wish
to be the greatest happiness within

each other

What do you see in me?

Manifestd'amour

You did not just tell me

That I don’t really want it

Or I’d already have it-

Now, did you?

I want it

I want it so bad

That I can taste it in anything

And see it anywhere that

There’s even a little bit of magic.

This love is so everything

That I can taste it everywhere-

There’s a little bit of it

In every slippery kiss

Where we share the love

Of all of us,

Every little twinkle in the sky

Because love is love is love.

dance madly beneath the stars with me...

Rolling in the mud

Can't wait til you see it
with your free eye
and your liberated heart
and join me here
where there is only
understanding of what
we are, not what we
need to be

There are no
definitions of
how to get it done
there is merely
this splendor,
a moment owned
by the profundity
of our presence

And one more thing:forgiveness does not reside on a mountain of justifications. It lives in understanding and acceptance. Can you hang here with me?

Did you get your wish?

Hold my heart tonight

keep it safe from all the sounds

of loneliness and fear

and of things I cannot dream

Hold me close tonight

be the soothing balm that

heals me be the easy slip that

frees me... from me

                                       

Hold my heart tonight

reach your strong hand out toward mine

sit beside me in the dimming light

be my brightness, be my guide

Please, won't you hold my heart tonight

be the candle in my darkness

be the strength, the light and kindness

beating through your heart to mine

One of these days, I will get the one thing I still wish for. I guess sometimes as we eek our way toward love the lessons about what love isn't, are just as valuable, as they take our hand and turn us around. We're all just here, walking each other home... thank you.

^squirrel!^

It's true!

It's not that I don't want to listen to you, but the gift of quick 'n wicked wit is accompanied by a mind that shoots in multiple directions at once. The 'gift' comes when you learn to slow your mind down enough to grab onto at least a few of those incredible, inspired ideas, and use them to complete, amuse and compete with others. Within the splitting of a second, you must mold it into your art, and set it off, allowing it to explode into wonder like fireworks. Like any art whether it's music, paintings, sculpted matter, words or laughter, the amusements that we reap some how connect us to our most divine selves-that place where you are home, free. Through art we allow ourselves to identify with emotions from which we would otherwise hide. Broken hearts, death, grief and awakenings are all forbidden parts of ourselves that we need to touch, if we are ever to release ourselves from the bondage of our human forms.

So forgive me, please. Although it may have seemed that I was not with you, I was, just floating away on one of your tangents. Maybe one day I'll capture it in my own face, where you will see yourself.

Take that!

It's like the way the brisk wind struts across your face
whisking your deepest warmth over the sea to that place
where you open your eyes to see you've merely blinked

I get lost, turned around and tossed
bouncing helplessly in the fury of your storm

It's like watching the heat of the stone mountains rise
into the wilting, soggy summer skies
that rained down, or maybe you were crying

Feels more of a tickle than a touch, as if
angels were squeezing through my veins

It's like screaming into the wind,
sounds all warped and hindered by
our deafening secrets which cannot be unspoken

Love is here, even here
and cannot be bent or broken

My love is with you, always

One in a million

Did you see it?
It was a glint of light
mingled with day before
turning to night

one bright flash of wonder
as I danced through the light
propelled by the magic
of this dream's lovely might

Did you hear it?
It was a note of splendor
which harmony joined
in the sweetest surrender

one small clash of thunder
to awaken the earth
of sweet spirits sleeping
awaiting their birth

Did you feel it?
moving just for a second,
the universe trembled
for it knew what my heart meant

one small jolt, this notion,
one heart can't stop beating
this soul for its wanting
one great dream for the taking

     -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

(And I hovered over you today
I hope you do not mind
but as my heart was flying by,
I felt your soul in kind

one flash of lightning
which caught my eye
was your dream's bright light-
lighting up the sky)

I remember You

These clouds 

won't always be 

so dark. But 

while they are, 

remember 

the beautiful light 

whose absence has now 

defined this 

darkness. 

Then look to the sun which never fails to rise.

See Saw

In the middle of the night
when your heart just won't sleep,

do you ever think of me?

When you watch the leaves
dance in the gray autumn breeze,

can you hear my laughter?

Comes the long summer rains
dripping down your face

surely, you can feel me now.

Ruins

Been here before. Now I
Remember that pain is
Only a symptom of this
Karma thing,
Endlessly reminding us of what we
Need to know

Uncle.

I'm tired of begging to know what I need to. Life keeps throwing rocks at my window while I sleep, trying to wake me, and while I'm awake, trying to knock me out.
But what is it that you say? I'm too blind to read your lips and too deaf to hear your whispered secrets. Please show me what I need to know.

free water in a drought

through my open window
in the very early morning
I heard the sounds of a storm
in the wind nudging the trees
to dance and sing to the beat
of the rain dropping
sounds all around me

through that gap rang the
joyous song of  coyotes
praying grace for the
good that had befallen them
for the filling of their bellies
were the blessings of the gods
for their goodness

into my room seeped
the magic of grace
as grace chose to show me
that love was all around me
in spite of the dark that had bound me
and kept me from being me
quenched in your water, finally free

Waving goodbye

Yesterday lives in all of our tomorrows
Today is the air that steeps the now away
We are never not what has made us
We are always a collage of what we have been
Shining in the light of what we'll be, not
what we once thought
made us wonderful

When it all ends, there will be no past, present or future. There will only be love, cast in shadows of beauty.



"We need beauty because it
makes us ache
to be
worthy of it." -Mary Oliver


Wonderful is like a wave
that breaks and rushes in
not all at once, but with
one breaker riding the back
of another and that,
the one before it.

It's all waves.
It's all ocean.
We're all coming while
we're all going

Dive in
and be baptized
in the tumbling,
shape of danger

Better to drown than to
sit on the shore,
thirsting

Dive in.

the snooze button

Let not my heart be weighted

Nor my love be blind or shaded

If my light be sadly faded

When love comes once again fated,

Knocking at my door

May two fiery souls’ union

Come to me none too soon then

With a blessed and warm reunion

Of two souls' unabashed communion,

Oh love, come call on me

A week from yesterday

Don't be sad
there is nothing left for us to lose
In this emptiness remains
very few things from which to choose
In a world with no apparent riches
there is fullness in the dreams
those which offer simple gifts to us
those which fill the emptiness
with songs of love and light for us

-I always knew you and I always will

wakin up

My soul was born into this world in an evening
when the light barely hinted at the color of the sky
and waited patiently
for the morning to come on the songs of the birds
time to open these eyes and feel
the presence of the light and be
not just a shadow against the coming night
where colors drown themselves in dreams

sing me a new song

a whim or two

The heart of g()d

You must have been the heart of God
when Love was what God thought of

In the radiance of your loving kindness
You ignited the sky's lights by the billions

And in morning's gift of sky so blue, I swear-
God loves me more, when my thoughts are of you

In you, so right, I am blessed and beloved
for you must have been what God thought of

When God first thought to Love

The will to love

Is it the light slipping quickly
through the flitting leaves,
whose swiftness deems it
blindingly sharp?
Is it the cool of the spring's
evening air that freezes the warmth
of the hills' cold and stoney heart

Could the absence of love
be the valley in which
her soul drowns in
the early morning's gray fog
Is it the night, or its loneliness,
that chases her heart from
the hands of hope and love

Where is the will
the wanting and the thrill
for it seems gone from here
where is her soul now beating
Was it stolen by the man who lied
mangled by the one who cried
Has it withered in the famine's wealth of hunger?

The light slips through the flitting leaves
but this time it failed to blind her
for she is gone from this old place
and so the light must wander
In the hidden branches of my sweet shade tree, 
hides a sweet baby bird from his enemy
as the light quietly fades into night,  where it will surely find her