Stunted

I write what I write
whether it's right or wrong

I fit words that don't rhyme
into every damn song

I hear pounding between
the beats of your drum

In every day, minute and hour
we're so different, yet one

So why do you tell me
that I'm doing it wrong when

Your rigid desires deny you
the beat of our song

Resurrection

We are made and broken
a million times over
til we can't see through
these tears, this pain

Is this me, dying
or just a glimpse
of what
I am yet to be?

Touch me
with your cold hand, Death
so that I won't feel
this burning anymore

The ABCs

Shame is slippery
and guilt is heavy

Love is what sets you free

Open  your  heart.

Timeless

I wonder how many tocks have ticked on my clock
while I stared listlessly past the sky

Do you think of the days that have scratched in the wall
while eternity dashes across the sky


Timeless is love that weights for this moment,
holding it up to the light

Just another day

Each time
he

f
e
l
l

he
dug in
a little
deeper
but
each time
he
climbed back
up
he
ROSE
a little
higher

spring is here. wake up, sleepyhead

No hablo this mess

What is this infatuation with enlightenment? If you're running after it, trying to grab it, giving it a name or a face; you're just missing it altogether.

How can you be "in the moment" if you're just waiting for the next moment, a better moment, a better time, or for goodness' sake-Friday? Enjoy the messiness of you as you are now, knowing that if you do your best, something "better" might just come of it. Or maybe it won't and being right here, right now, in the thick of some ickiness, is okay. 

We can't stop time or doing, being or happiness; we can only choose to be with the wonder in every feeling, situation, or being; whatever that looks like.

A controlled burn

...if we keep running from it
It will never be with us

...if we keep hiding from it
We will not see what we are
or what we may become

...if we turn away from this
We will not be ready
nor more learned
Let us be unraveled a little,
to tie It all up again
should we foolishly name it

...or we can walk gracefully
through It
...or sit by the seaside letting
it wash over us
and be one with what we've
come to know:this ache
which scratches and bleeds us
until we cry out in pain

...be with It
your pain is your guide, blood and salve
washing you clean
...forgive it
you are your own jailor
...for now you know pain and
what you have done to others

Your purgatory has been ravaged by the fires of this hell

...be with It and set yourself free

Toast and jammed

There's a certain amount of strength in letting go, whether it's abandoning your fancies of being normal and flitting into madness, or surrendering to a good old-fashioned beat down by life. Why do we always want to hold onto normal, creating some facade of decency and goodness? How will we ever get better and become divine in spite of our flesh, if we can't dance with our trembling legs? Broken hearts? Diminished spirits?

Hiding from yourself and all of your glory, is like hiding from G!d. What's the point in that? Let go. Slip into the madness and see what bubbles up. It might not be what you expected. It might not be what you wanted. But it will be real.

My ninth life

it was a long road back
to "gone" again
and yet I'm here,
"never again"

there's a bird in the tree
sounding like
rubber twanging "meow"
on the faint, sun-stained pond
as he carefully chooses his dinner

melting into evening
I evaporate one last time
before the night awakens,
to bring me home once more


#yourekillingme

Implosion

This is that moment
the one I've seen in pictures
a million times inside my head

When I watched the ducks
the other day, gliding as if even
the disappearance of air could not free them more

They cried. I heard them
But I didn't know if they were
cries of pain or whimpers of surrender's pleasure

The only question in my mind
came from my heart when I demanded
to know their names

(What do you love, dear Laura?)
(Why must you name your pleasure?)
(Why must you name your pain?)

That is how it feels when love comes
And how it feels when love walks away
When you can open the door of your own heart

And wrestle with the pleasure
and fervently fuck the pain
all the while, feeling it all...

Knees knocking, heart thumping so hard
it pulls everything into its drain
And I get dizzy, wondering if I'm going to fall

But I'm here, Knowing what I Know
The wandering wonderer succumbing to wondrous
As she turns to let you go

It's like that moment, the one I've seen in pictures
There's a flash of light, separating every piece from every other
and then the building crumbles, and every question flees

Here's a poem for you...

You preach redemption, salvation and enlightenment;
but how do you know this is true?
Your heart has changed so much through the years;
your rules and affects too.
You keep spouting out loud, barbs at the crowds,
because you, alone, have the right to be proud?
Tell me, King, cuz you alone know everything,
How is anyone 'not you' going to win?

Shut the fuck up!

The coffee pot

There is nothing to hate but fear

Fear is what has landed us in

this place where it felt as though it mattered

This worrying about what someone else thought of you

and there you are, or maybe

it's me standing here

surely one of us must be wrong

but would we be?

still? if we were the other now?

Be gentle with yourself, dear Blossom

do not wilt before you die

My wish for you is to be plucked in your perfection,

then pressed eternally in a page as a

memory of the moment of love's inception,

where and whence we were born

And where we will always be 

you and me or was that I and thee?

What? Are you asking me what I think?

I have seen your dark and

I have seen your light and

still I want to hold you so tightly

and I'm so tired of the waiting

and it withers me to be shamed by my own impatience

yet I learn that I should not even pay mind to the thoughts of others

So why do I worry about my own?

when I am not love,

I am not me.

Press that one into your heart

and be free.



It's just a thought. It does not own you. Watch it slip away.

Pennance

Writing my wrongs in this black box of shame

Humming some hims to erase all the blame

Kneeling before you, I’s lowered in shame

As pen-nance releases my runaway game

Whisper my seek-ret through theses cuts in the steal

Where you hear me, and hold me and tell me to feel

So I squirm and erupt as I rise to my heal

Shedding shame’s ugly skin, for flesh's a-peel

Holding me farther away from your hearth

where my lips cannot bellow your prodigal spark

Where our fire dares not flare to then fall apart

Hold me where the flame is real, not a shot in the dark

Righting your wrongs in this black box- no shame

Kneeling before me you bowed down and I came

I dream of melting your tower of shame, and

I burn slowly, warmly- please don't dampen this flame

Til we whisper our secrets through the holes in this fence
The wall crumbles between us, as we move to confess
And we shed all the wrongs, and move on to the best
In the light, in this love, we are truly the blessed

Pen-nance: The act of writing your wrong


Something old, something new...   :)

Listen

SWAK (Thank you for the gifts)

and ne'er, but in this moment
does my heart marry the sky
and we are always and forever
in only just this moment, eternal

but never again

so we dance the floors of heaven
even if for just this night
when we are charming, graceful love
which we will always be

all ways and again

each time you kiss me in a dream

#iknowsomethingsthatgodknows

I have a sneaking suspicion
that when we honor our own good
in spite of our own absence of it,
we know the heart of Love

And it must be wisdom
that whispers, even in the brightest light,
that love will not bloom in another flower
that has been plucked by the prospect of my desire

I once thought that I
knew love and what it sounded like,
when I tasted what I thought I heard love was
Love changes, just as we do

The best is yet to come?
No, the best just keeps coming, my friend.
Let it in
Be with love- it's always here

It's everywhere you are


So here's me, writing the same thing a different way. This, I think, is 3 or 4 years old. Life is starting to become a blur where the moments and memories are more vivid, as I begin to know their eternal omniscience.  But the hows, whys and whens are irrelevant. Love is that space that soothes and smooths and spills and fills. Oh thank you. Anyway, here it is, the heart of G()D:

You must have been the heart of God

when love was what God thought of

In the brilliance of your loving kindness

you ignited the sky's lights, by the billions

And in morning's gift of skies so blue,

I swear that God loves me more, when my thoughts are with you

Yes, you must have been my heart, my God

when God first thought to love

Thank you, Life, for always showing me more than I ever think to ask for.

Questionable

When you question something do you seek to understand
or
do you seek to be pacified in your righteousness?

Just asking.

an inverted echo

Suddenly I'm listening
to every song and every thing
I hear the cries of baby birds
and hang my ear on wisdom's words
There'll come a time, I know-you'll see
when I won't even be waiting on me

I'll be dancing to the metronohm

And You And I

We are adventurers...alien beings borrowing these fleshy vessels
to learn to love
to be
to shine oh so brightly

born again
like a baby
in wit
and innocence
silently beaming

knowledge in this aged fleshy flesh...
to love to learn,
be too,
our own light, our own love